First and foremost, this is a story that would happen before the "main story-line" starts. Though since this doesn't really happen in order, if I actually finish the entire canon, I'll add numbers later. Sorry. Also, I write pretty badly, but don't be too harsh. I might revise this at anytime, so be patient for quality.
Characters: Errin, Gregory, and Henry
Location: Holy Hope Hospital
Warnings: Language
I awoke to the same ceiling I hate. For the past four years I have been here in this damn hospital.
My internal list begins to write itself without my consent, prompting a groan from deep within me.
I can’t go back to sleep now. I’m awake. Damn.
Sitting up in my stiff bed, I push a comb through my needle straight hair from the nightstand.
I grab my concoction of meds for the day, split up the night before, and down them with the water bottle from last night,
tasting like bitter lemon. I stumble out of bed, finding my face in the mirror of the bathroom. I look normal. I look regular.
I look bored. Just as I should be. Normal. The meds are working already. Good. Slipping on a loose long sleeved shirt
over my freshly tightened bandages and stumbling into some leggings, I go off to my housemate’s room. I need to get
Gregory up. He’s the only one who can really cook around here. I’ve tried. I can’t do it well and Henry’s a growing boy
that needs food. Not whatever I make.
Without even knocking, I fling Gregory’s door open, prompting a whine from the gray haired twenty-something.
“Ah, Errin. I’m getting up in two minutes. Please. Just that!” Gregory whined in that voice of his. I sigh. If you weren’t
taking care of Henry, you wouldn’t be allowed to give me that sass. But who am I kidding, my annoyance dissipating,
I can’t take care of Henry on my own. I already know that. You don’t have to remind me. My brother is light sensitive/can’t
use his eyes and is wheelchair bound. I tend to forget people exist.
“I’m already awake.” My brother’s early morning monotone, lifted up from the connected room. Then like a light,
Gregory was up, like he wasn’t just asking for a couple of more minutes of sleep, getting Henry ready for the day.
Dutifully dressing my younger brother in comfortable clothing. Then, wrapping his eyes in new bandages, stepping back
to appreciate his work. I groan, Gregory is such a pushover. My brother’s soft periwinkle hair looked like I felt: like crap.
I was going to be a long day and I just knew Gregory’s fake peppy attitude would start to get on my nerves.
I’m walking out the room while Henry brushes his teeth, and Gregory brushes his hair. It kind of annoys me how easily
they work together. How easily they get along. Or is that envy? Well, whatever it is, it makes me hungry. I don’ t have
enough brain power right now to introspect why I’m such a fuck up.
-
Gregory brushes a stray hair on Henry’s head, while taking his eyes off the sorry breakfast for today, eggs and bacon.
I’m not going to complain about that, really, but its only saving grace was that it wasn't burnt. Looking up, I can just feel
Gregory’s daily mind explosion of trying to hand me the newspaper. I blink at his sorry display of trying to placate me,
grabbing it from his hand. I ignore his apologies and zone out while he serves Henry his plate.
“What’s on the schedule today, Gregory?” Henry’s monotone, rumbled softly, as he was being served his “eggs”. I’m so
glad he can’t see the faces I’m making, but I’m sure he can hear the snickering under my breath.
"There's a nice program scheduled for the radio today at noon, and...and there's going to be nice weather today." Gregory
stammered, and then continued softly," There's going to be a visitor today before the night is through." I could see the purple
glint of the Darkness in his gray eyes, receding as quickly as it had come. Blowing my dingy blue hair off my face, while rolling
my eyes, what does that mean? You can’t be serious.
"Oh, that's nice, Gregory." my brother said with a slight smile,"We'll be sure to greet her properly." I sat up quickly.
"A girl? Could it be that the Destroyer has come, after all this time? Or...-" I said accusingly, my blue eyes piercing a hole
through his face; I wanted him to know I was serious. (Even if he couldn’t see it.)
"Yes," Henry smiled impishly," The Red Bane will approach, after all, the Darkness spoke exactly what I was thinking through
Gregory. We have to prepare the hospital for her arrival; it has been foretold, now this event will finally happen....our ticket to
the real world if we're worthy!" I could see his excitement break through his usually serious demeanor; of course, he should be
excited, this is the thing we've been waiting for all these years: a chance to become human again. Though, there's risks, if we
are chosen, we will be separated from each other, but if we're not, then, who knows when the next time will be. He’s such a kid
though, believing in such stupid stories. I am only encouraging him. He needs it though. He doesn’t deserve to be here. He’s
the only innocent one here.
"I'll set the traps like you asked." I shrugged, trying to calm down, and focus on what I still had to do to prepare for her arrival.
I throw away my breakfast, and dash out to get started as soon as possible. I have plenty to do and such little time to do it. I grin
wildly, hoping Gregory doesn’t see how happy this makes me. Doing something so important for my beloved little brother. I would
kill her if you asked me to. I hope you know that.
-
-
-
"Gregory," Henry said, excused after seeing what could be, turning to 'look' at me,"I would like for you to prepare as well for
her arrival." Fear bubbles up into my mouth from my stomach like bile.
“Ah! I can’t fight. That’s Errin’s job! I need to stay around you Henry, to protect you!” Already I could feel myself expressing my
fears to him. That girl, she sounds so scary! I don’t want anyone to get hurt. “What could I do? Besides that?” If you want me to
fight, I’m only going to fail you, and you could get hurt even worse. What if this reaper is mean and wants to hurt you even
more that you already are.
“Gregory.” Henry’s voice became gentle. “ You need to plead your case to her separate from me. I don’t want you to go down
with me.” He was looking away, ashamed almost, of his request. Hot shame burns down my face, down my back, and settles
into the base of my stomach. My sin. You want me to confess that, to her? How can I do that? I can’t. Self loathing begins to
add more fire to the flame in my stomach. I can’t do it without you! I’m a murderer!
I sit there, and take big breaths trying to calm myself. Henry turns to look at me again,"I'm sorry that I upset you, I know that you
are trying to hold back, but this needs to happen. Could you push me to any patient's room, and leave me there?"
"Yes, Henry, let's go then." I said, bitter, and wheeled him down to a room on the second floor. I didn’t want to do this. I couldn't
just leave him there, but I knew that I couldn't stay with him when the girl came. I wanted to just forget she was coming, maybe
she wouldn't come at all. I sigh as I close the door, Henry just sitting there acting like he could see out the window, and walk as
fast as I can out of the hall into the elevator. When I sat in the elevator I made a decision: I'm going to stay here forever, I don't
need to be human; humans get sick and die, I'll never be sick again if I just stay here. Sure, I hate this hospital, I bet even Errin
hates this place. I'll just stay here alone forever, Errin and Henry will surely become human again. Maybe Henry will be allowed
to be better, and the Darkness will fix him. I say this in my head over and over, as I lock myself into a storage room.
I can feel it: the Darkness' influence, I can't run away from it. Curling into a ball, tears fall from my eyes. Henry. Errin. I’m so sorry.
I’m terrible. I did such an evil thing. I know what would happen to me if Errin found out the truth. The only reason I’m in one piece,
is because of Henry keeping it a secret. I’m hiccuping as the bile I’ve been holding back, falls from my lips. Fear rises in me. I’m
already infected with it: The Darkness. It’s all over me. I can’t escape my sins, even in death. I’m sorry. If you could live again, I
would offer my very soul for you, Henry.
---
--
-
After Gregory had left, I waited a couple of minutes before rolling my wheelchair after him. For some reason he never heard me
race after him. Sensing something was wrong besides him being upset, I rip off my eye bandages, my pink and blue eyes each
seeing the imbalance manifest physically in Gregory. I stop chasing after him, as I see him go into the storeroom; I can't stop what he will do
now. I can almost feel physically his emotions running through him, and a purple tear falls on my hand. I wipe the tear on
my pants, wheeling away from the spiritual breakdown as fast as I can to avoid getting caught up in it. I have to get to my
brother as soon as possible.
I did this, I know I did; reminding him of his gift to me: death. He was the one who smothered me with that pillow all those years
ago; he did it to ease my suffering in living unloved, abandoned by my parents, my brother in the mental hospital far away. He
himself, suffering from an advanced stage cancer that he wouldn't tell me, came to ask if I wanted it to be over. Gregory told me
that he would jump out of the third story window, after he did the deed. I could now feel the jab he felt when I reminded him of the
sin. His sin in the eyes of the world: killing a disabled orphan that no one cared about. My sins of allowing him to take care of me
in this madhouse, at least in my mind, are more harsh than what he did. My carelessness caused this...I did this... to him...and I'll
never forgive myself. My tears, foolish and bitter, turned lightning purple after seconds.
I could feel my mind slowing. My vision is fading again, even to the spirit planes, and the pain almost numbing my mind. The
bitter acid of the shame, forcing more and more tears to my eyes. I did this. I did that to him. All I can do now cry. I could barely
hear or feel my brother around me when he finds me, trying to stop the pain. He ignored all the voices in his head that told him to
stay away from me; he covered his mouth, and turned me on my side with my head on his lap. I could barely feel his hand brush
my hair, and as I felt my tears subsiding like the sudden calm after a hard storm, drifted into a confused and pained sleep.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=
I felt numb as I looked at my baby brother. I don’t know why I found him like this, but I don’t care. My brother, who was just now
in extreme pain, was abandoned by Gregory. That stupid fool who was supposed to watch over him; who was supposed to protect
him when I couldn’t. Where is fuck is he? I can’t suppress my hatred towards him right now. What if that girl came, while he was weak?
The "what if’s" threaten to overwhelm my mind. A calm in the storm arrived in the fact that: one, Henry was safe, and two, I was
going to kick Gregory’s ass when I found him.
---
---
----
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{Archive of Original Comment}
The Avatar of the Darkness sleeps in the human world as a human girl, Diedre. She does not know how to fulfill her destiny
as the savior of this world of half truths and dreams, a world where tortured souls are chosen among many others to live anew.
Thank you for reading this, and I hope you look forward to other fictions based on Forget Already. Feb.3 2014
[Updated Comment]
Thank you for reading. It’s been a long time since I wrote this originally. I hope to expand this further one day, but for now,
take this update. Rereading your old stuff can be hard, but I learned a lot about myself back then. I was a weirdo. I still am,
but older now. Expect more. March 26 2021
------------------------------------------------
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- whatami94 (personal-ish depression blog)
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twitter: @scaredygiraffe (rant/depression and like blog)
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