{Forget Already} The Madness of Unconditional Love [Main Fiction] (Chapter 12)

 Hi! I hope everyone has had a good week. I'll get caught up someday! :)

Next chapter is a bit long but I hope you like it. More warnings though, please understand.

PLEASE READ the warnings:

    Dissociative episode (possible), Mild Violence, Decapitation (not descriptive), Injury description (mild), painful magical healing (very brief), Mentions of Nudity (not descriptive but the situation is there)

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 This was not like the last time. A white blinding light melting all I could see. A ferocious headache spiking my brain against the volleyball net. I tried to close my eyes and hide away. My body wouldn't do that. It wasn't listening to me. I wasn't in control. 

Hot. My body was on fire. My muscles are pulled and stretched into an offensive stance. They were screaming for me to stop. I wanted to agree, but I was being pulled along for the ride, just as they were. I hated that, being strung along like this, but my will was locked in a steel trap. As much as I mentally wailed against the injustice of this, the only thing I could do was watch. Watch as my exhausted body and concussed mind ran against the wind, towards the monster in the center of the room.

I was melting. My arm wound tight, swung against the creature. I felt it hit the core again. My body, if my own, would have been stopped here again, but the steel in my own arm held. My arm pulled back again for another strike, ignoring its retaliation. It was weak, afraid maybe, if it could feel the emotions humans did. My anger, smoldering still from earlier, was the only thing that kept me focused. Yes, I was not in true control, but this was what I wanted. How it was happening, I could live without, but my apathy towards my own life was nothing compared to what hatred I felt for this monster.

I didn't care anymore how it was destroying me. My arm kept swinging, and every time, it cut more and more into the core. The pain I was feeling was temporary. I was not only doing this for Silen. As I grit my teeth, the arm pulling back into another strike, the realization set. This is something I wanted as well: retribution. It was mine for the taking.

I knew who this was. I had to remember what this was for. This parasite was not a person, but a fear of one. Girtin gave me a hint when he broke down. This creature was a horrible person: Silen's birth father. It had none of his features; a shame honestly, I would've liked to see him in pain. 

Instead of wondering where that came from, I felt the body prepare for one final blow. I could feel the strength of the connection tethering me to my mind weakening. It was down to the last wire, wasn't it? The repetitive motion that had become second nature to my body, numb at this point, was about to finish the job. Wind up the swing and follow through. Cut through the bone, think about the area past the core, don't stop the momentum. Keep going. Contact made. Keep going. Yes. Rest in pieces. I was done and I had control again. The warmth I felt, the energy keeping me going, left as quickly as it came leaving me feeling empty again inside.

As my body slumps to the ground, the first sense that returns to me is sound. I can hear the bubbling of the body in front of me, the gurgling of a life being drained. The sound of heaving in the corner of the room and the dull realization that Silen saw all of that; he had no explanation for why his friend went to town so violently on it. How she even had that much energy. He's always been weak to violence, my mind supplies from my memories of him. He's going to be alright. My thoughts float around like clouds in the sky. I am utterly exhausted; the energy my body was expending in my absence, the whiplash was coming soon and hard. I had to make sure that I was not in a bad position.

I could hear soft breathing beside my ear, accompanied by the silent tears dropping upon my face. Feeling and Sight were back. Silen held me up in his arms, clutching me like a child does an infant they don't know. His face is a mixture of emotions: surprised, happy, sad.

"Diedre. I'm so happy you are alive." His voice, stronger than I was expecting though still weak from his tears, murmured. "I was worried that you weren't going to make it, but you did, like you always do."

"What are friends for?" I smile through my exhaustion. "We've got to take care of you, we promised. Your mom, Girtin, Betha, and myself; we all are going to protect you."

"You don't have to do that." His mouth turned into a frown, an expression filled with sadness. "I cursed you when you didn't come back. I thought you left me because you hated me, Betha too. How could you save me when not even the police could find me; not until it was too late. The promise doesn't matter now."

"Silen."

"I know you mean well. I know that you aren't going to leave because you want to, but you can't do that. When I wake up and you are yourself again, I'll cry like I'm supposed to, bawling into your shirt begging you to stay with me, but you can't. You have to keep going. I don't know what for, but that lady told me some stuff while she was...making me say that. You have to fight her. She's just going to use us against you, if you don't well I don't know what's going to happen." Silen sniffed a little, but I could only look at him in awe. It made me sad that he had to suffer so much to come to this conclusion. What he said made sense, but I didn't have to believe it.

"I'll always protect you. We are family and that's what we're supposed to do for each other." I murmur, vision fading finally. I could feel this world collapsing.

Silen smiled brightly, grasping my hand, trying to make sure that it was the last thing I saw before I returned to the other world. His thanks are drowned by the static on the edge of my hearing.

I slipped away after that.

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I could hear Girtin talking to Silen when I regained consciousness. It was hard to hear about what for, but I'm sure it was something about running away from his mom and making them both worried sick. I can imagine him standing in front of him, arms crossed on his chest. I think I heard Betha talking, so she had to be on the phone.

"-Diedre almost died because you ran away! She had to come get you. If you are feeling bad, you have to tell someone before you blow up! If she wasn't immune to the Darkness you would have been toast."

"Please just call me, Silen. I promise I won't laugh at you. Honestly." Betha's voice interjected over Girtin's reprimands, offering a soothing hug from afar.

"I know...it just got bad real fast. I didn't want to bother you." Silen meekly whimpered, his voice croaking from having recently cried.

"Bother us, Silen." Girtin scolded firmly.

"Please, Silen." Betha added, making shushing noises. I assume they are hugging now, but my neck is still weak.

Instead of being frustrated at being left out of the conversation, I just let myself rest. I'm sure my muscles are going to ache for a couple of days after this. Not looking forward to that, but I think it was worth it. I just have to remember that I haven't saved them. I've just put off whatever is coming later. That's the impression I got from Silen.

Once I can move again, I'm going to see Betha again. I've got to break whatever is keeping her at that house.

"DIEDREEEEE!!" Silen's scream cut through my internal monologue. "You're okkkkk!! I was so worried that you wouldn't wake up!"

"We were worried that you wouldn't get up." Girtin intoned, patting the back of Silen's hand in a reprimanding but soothing way. Betha voiced her agreement on the phone. "What happened? Silen won't say. You started shaking. Then when you fell down, you had blood on the back of your head."

"It was another world, Girtin." I rumbled, trying to think over what happened back there. "Like before when I saw you, from before." Girtin paled at that, prompting Silen and Betha to give him a look. Silen's being one of naive confusion and Betha's one of impish understanding. Perhaps she didn't know what Girtin did, but she may have been clued in on his little crush on me in the past. She changed her face into a more natural expression before he noticed, much to my surprise.

"Still you are hurt, Diedre." Betha worriedly pressured over the video call. Honestly I don't know how the phones get reception here. I wondered if there was a place nearby that I could recover at. "We can't take you to the hospital, Holy Hope, because it's empty. There should be no one there."

"I heard a gang lives there." Silen bubbled, easily amused by rumors, "Mommy told me that it was dangerous to go there. It's so far and there are too many holes I could fall into."

"Holes?" I ask, distracted by the change in conversation, also very nosy.

"The ground looks like Swiss cheese and you can't get a car there! Mommy told me that the sky rained acid or something. The hospital building is completely fine, Girtin saw it when he was wandering around one day." Silen gushed, smiling widely. I smiled back. Even from my position laying on the ground, it was good to see him so happy about something.

"So that means we have to find someone local with a recovery ability." Betha mumbled, mostly to herself, out loud on the speaker. "I might be bad to move Diedre if she's still not feeling great. What to do? Ugh, what to do?"

"Chill out, Betha, we're going to figure something out. Maybe she can just sleep it off; she's 'special' remember? Maybe she's got some regen powers hidden in her?" Girtin said trying to calm Betha down. It worked somewhat, but she still grumbled to herself keeping more thoughts left unsaid.

"Now I wish I had teleportation powers." Silen whined into Girtin's long sleeved shirt.

"Heh, maybe you do. Where do you disappear to when you have to take medicine?" Girtin jeered. Silen only puffed out his cheeks. 

-

Time had passed slowly without coming to much of a solution to what we should do about my injuries. I suppose being in the company of people who had short attention spans did that to you, but I let it slide. After all it seemed like I wasn't worsening. Maybe all I should do is just lay here, completely relaxed as my friends laugh and bicker with each other; I've not felt this way in years. Girtin's phone eventually dies, leaving Betha out of the conversation. My ears then pick up some foot falls from down the hall of this abandoned school. I couldn't tell who it was from where I was, but soon enough Girtin and Silen noticed.

"Do you need help, my children?" A soft woman's voice came from the hall.

"It's our friend, she-" Silen starts, stammering, but not before Girtin stops him.

"She is taking a rest. We are fine." Girtin evenly reports, not taking his eyes off the stranger, his hands vainly covering the blood on my pink jacket. This looked bad. I was so out of it that I didn't even think about this. Who was this woman?

"So you say, dear, but maybe she should have a rest on one of the cots in the infirmary." The woman cooed, her voice coating my mind like honey. It honestly felt weird. I looked to Girtin who seemed to be contemplating her suggestion. I had already made up my mind. I felt a little stupid forgetting about the nurse's office. I'm not really in the position to make decisions, am I? Feeling a little antsy about the whole situation, I tried to get a better look at the woman from behind Girtin's arms.

She had shoulder length aqua hair, rosy cheeks, and two odd colored eyes: one pink and one blue. I felt drawn to those eyes. The pupil on the right one, the blue one, had a taller almost feline shape. It felt so strange to be so taken by some stranger's eyes. Then Girtin started to move, shaking me out of my focused attention to wards them. The woman had a hand on my face, kneeling on the floor between Girtin and Silen, who watched warily at her, was checking my eyes. Her own pair were so focused in her task of giving me the once over, that she didn't even notice, or care about the looks everyone was giving her.

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Right. I didn't know what to make of the atmosphere once we made it there. It was so awkward: Girtin was on edge, his instincts kicking in, and Silen was in "stranger danger" mode, for some reason hiding behind the shorter boy. The woman, who had introduced herself as Maeve. She told us, which I figured I had to believe for now, that she was looking for something in the library.

"Miss Maeve," Girtin starts slowly, like he's trying to hold back a little, "I remember you telling us that you were looking in the library. Why are you at this school? The city has its own library. Why would you need to look here?" He's already trying to punch holes in her story. Wow. Vicious. I can see Ms. Maeve's eyes dilate a little, something Girtin cannot see because she is tending to my wounds. She draws the curtains around me. The boys call out in surprise.

"I need to take off her shirt, boys, to apply healing to the skin. I did tell you that I had some salve on me, did I not?" Ms. Maeve's tone was odd while she said this, but the two had no choice but to trust her judgement.

She helped me get out of my jacket and the shirt that I was wearing under it. My chest crackled to life, bringing a gasp to my lips. She shushed soothingly, much like a mother does. Lifting me out of my cami, her eyes look sorrowful at the ugly bruises around my ribs and sides. I assume that there are even more on my back. Her head turns to the little purse at her side and she starts to rummage through it for something. I just watch her as I lay still, topless on the elevated bed. After a time she finds what she is looking for: a small vial of unknown liquid. Acid rushes through my blood. What?!

"Sweetie, I have decided to help you a bit more than I should." Miss Maeve's voice rushes through my mind. I blink furiously at the intrusion. She laughs lightly. "The friends you have, while well-meaning, are kind of stupid. They have no idea what did in there; even that orange haired boy, Silen, who seemingly doesn't remember what you did for him back in there."

"Madn-" I start, but she puts her hand on my mouth and smiles mysteriously.

"You are right, sweetie, but you shouldn't say it. If they knew that you were with the Lady Madness, they would open the curtain. That would be bad right? Considering your state of...undress. You are also full of broken ribs and covered in bruises. You'd be out of commission for too long; much much too long for my sister. That...and your plight, it makes my heart bleed for you, my dear. I cannot speak against her again, but I can help you." She hands me the small vial. "I will but some bandages on later, regardless of your choice."

"What is this?" I ask, not convinced, but seriously considering it. I'm in a lot of pain, the ache in my chest, just from breathing is becoming a little much. Even for my pain tolerance I don't think I would last long on just pain medication alone.

"You don't want to know, but rest assured that it is going to help. Please trust me." She hands me some cloth and begins to motion that it goes into my mouth. What is this going to do to me? Is this going to hurt? I look the "medicine" again, giving it one final look over before I say fuck it and down the thing in one go. My eyes locked on Madness' odd eyed ones, looking for any deception at the very end. I uncap the cork and take the plunge.

It hurt. It hurt so much. I jam the cloth in my mouth to muffle the groans of a person who's body is rapidly humming, vibrating, screaming, and gluing itself back together from the inside. She wasn't kidding I bitterly thought. I screwed my eyes shut, not wanting the extra stimulation of her face, or the possibility that Girtin or Silen would open the curtains and see me. I tried to keep my breathing even. Madness' cold hands started smoothing over the hair that had gotten in front of my face. I couldn't pass out. It was almost over, it had to be. I open my eyes. It didn't hurt anymore. Oh.

Maeve or Madness, who knew anymore, nodded solemnly letting her hand fall from my face almost wistfully. In that moment I remember about the children she supposedly had. I almost had the mind to ask her but I was suddenly pelted with a cold cream on my bruised rib cage. Wordlessly, she wrapped my chest loosely but tight enough so that it wouldn't fall off. Then she helped me back in my clothes. I thanked her quietly in my head, but she shook her head, smiling.

She pulled back the curtain to the sight of Girtin and Silen huddled in the corner. They were deep in whispered conversation. Upon noticing me stand up without help they both jolted to me, smothering me in their embraces. Girtin was red faced as always, but hugged me all the same, in a grip that reminded me that I could have died in that hell I was in. Silen was back. He was bubbly and happy again; sure he still was shy and cried, but he seemingly was "over" whatever transpired in that realm. I knew that one day he would want to talk to me about it, or maybe never, but I would wait for him to be ready to talk to me. Girtin finally let go of me, but Silen snuggled a little longer. I'd forgotten how affectionate he could be. Maeve smiled at the three of us before clearing her throat.

"You'll be tender and your muscles will hurt for a while. Maybe you should hold your scythe in a pocket realm until you are ready to hold it again." Maeve started rattling off to the reunion, before turning to my dumbfounded look of shock upon the mention of a pocket realm. "Ah, so you don't know about that, sorry. It's a little weird to explain, but just imagine it 'gone'."

I nod, slowly, not understanding completely, but willing to try it all the same; especially if that means I don't have to lug the heavy scythe around anymore all the time. If I was going to be in a weakened state after all that "killing" I just did, I would need to suck it up and learn. Ok. Just pretend you are putting it in your pocket.

"Imagine a small bubble in your mind," the mental voice of Madness helpfully supplies, "You just need to put it in there. Pretend the surface of the bubble is a pool of endless water."

A bubble, as deep as the ocean, the surface of water holding what I want. The scythe that's on the ground, left alone. Just put it away. I breathe in. Close my eyes. I breathe out. Cut and Paste it into the folder. I open my eyes and it's gone. I can feel it on my back, latched onto my spine; it feels freaky, but it's kind of like a backpack. 

"Wow! It's gone! You did that, Diedre? Awesome!" Silen cheers, laughing brightly. Even Girtin had to smile at that.

"Where'd it go?" Girtin mumbled to himself. It's clear it may have gone over his head, but he shrugs it off anyway. Looking back to me, he asks," Did you want to go see, Miss Ona? We found Silen. She'd be happy to find him safe and sound. Also... he kind of needs a bath. I think we all do."

He's right, I sigh. Silen was covered in purple bile, his own snot and tears, and who knows what else. He didn't seemed bothered however; maybe he forgot about it or just couldn't feel it? I know I had some blood in my hair, not that you could see it, with my hair being bright red, but you know. That and a good hot soak sounded nice. Looking at Girtin you wouldn't know how bad he smelled, it was likely stress sweat, but sweat all the same. He was on the phone with Betha the whole time this was happening, right? Of course he would have freaked out, even with her there.

"That sounds like a good idea. I'd like to see Betha after that; I promised her that I'd visit her again after we helped Silen." Silen's ears perked up at the mention of his name, but said nothing; fiddling with the zipper on his orange sports jacket, pulling it up and down over and over.

"Right, that sounds good. I'll go with you." Girtin nods, not letting me out of his sight.

"Well, kids, I guess that's my time to go. Best of luck, sweetie." Miss Maeve/Madness whittles her fingers at us, not even looking at us as she walks out the door. Of course this bothers Girtin, to no ones surprise, who is still extremely suspicious of that woman. I just looked at her back as she walked out, thinking about what I learned about the sister of the Goddess of Death.

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Well :)

 Next we'll get to see Betha and Miss Ona. After that, who knows? Diedre has saved her friends, hasn't she? What more should she need to do here?

If so, then why are there more people here? Diedre doesn't know that. How could she?

I guess we're going to have to find out. Might have the next two chapters to set that up. If they are super short I will consider putting them on Tuesday and Thursday. Then the newer characters will be on the new week and the next arc will start. I think it will probably be Great Graces -> and then either Psychology Skylands/Holy Hope. If you've been keeping up with the blog at all then you'd know which characters that means. I was thinking about leaving Holy Hope last becuase I want that arc to be longer, have more action. (I was even thinking about making some more comics about that.)

So Christophe and Dainin should be next after we set up the next part of the plot. I've had this arc planned since I made the game, long long ago in the past, so I'm going to try to flesh it out some more. The intro has already been written: it's called Brimstone and it covers what's happening with the two before Diedre comes over.

Getting a feeling that the less people actually knew about the girl, Diedre, the more they fill the blanks with nonsense. Even Betha had mentioned this before, with the stories that they told about Lady Death. She didn't tell us everything, not wanting Diedre to get discouraged, and didn't mention that her role in the story was to reap everyone. (This is not spoilers. I have put this fact in other parts of the fiction too. lol.) It's in the back of all these people's minds, even her friends, but they have the know-all to remember that she is a person too. They remind themselves that she is their friend. The strangers we are going to meet have been preparing once they heard the news, they don't have the benefit to know that she wouldn't just kill them on sight. A conflict or something. Ooooh. :)))

Hope you enjoyed, I had a lot to talk about. :)

 

---Chapter Navigation--

Chapter 11 (Linky) - Chapter 12  (you are here) --> Chapter 13 (Linky)

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{Forget Already} Hotel [Main Fiction] (Chapter 11)

 Does Diedre even know what she's going to do once she's in there? Does she have a plan?

 

 Warnings: PLEASE read them!

    Depictions of Panic attacks, references to child abuse, depiction of injury, blood (mentioned), trauma induced panic attack (mild, but I'm going to add just in case.)

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 I felt suffocated, like hot blankets were pressed around me forcing me to breathe the stale air. It was dark. Sweat poured down my neck. My hands were clammy and I had to keep brushing them on my jeans. Oh. I was in one of those worlds, like with Girtin. The warm memory of his confession left as soon as it came when a cool gust of air billowed on my face. A light came from the direction of it, standing before me was Silen.

He looked wrong. Silen stood at his full height, not slouching over in fear or whimpering in terror. His blue eyes were pulled in a frown and icy with anger. Clenched hands and lips. He was trembling in anger. I could even see, even at this distance, his eyes twitch just barely. I had never seen him like this. What did I do?

"You." Silen thundered. "What do you think you are doing here? I don't think you know what you are doing. It's wrong for you to be here. This...is only for me. You don't belong here." He looked away, using his hand to gesture at a, now lit, hallway to his left. Light after light continued to be lit, leading to an exit, lit by a standard red "exit" box above the door.

"I don't care what you think you are doing." Silen spat, cruelty foreign on his normally soft features. "You don't belong here. I don't want to have to kick you out myself." His gaze faltered, as if he forgot something, the purple tear streaks even more apparent on his sickly pale skin. He looked like himself for a moment, before the mask came back," I don't want you to see this...."

"Silen-" I plead.

"-Not now, Diedre, you can't fix this! You can't fix me, so don't even try at this point. I have to deal with this by myself." He wouldn't even look at me now, but I could feel the bitterness simmering in his words. Was that really what it was?

"Then why are you crying? On the outside, outside of whatever this is, why did you ask me for help there but not here!?" I demand, holding out my hand, begging for him to take it. I adjust myself on the mattress. His gaze chills as he looks down on it as I move. What?

"Get off that. You have no idea what you are sitting on." Silen began to beg, his persona slipping again. Why? It's just a bed, isn't it?

Blood. I was sitting in a bed covered in it. I never got out of a bed faster in my life. I didn't think to check if it was wet or anything, but I knew I had to get off of it. I fell on the floor, twisting my body to face it and Silen. Silen who also seemed to react to the blood, whimpered under his breath. Just as I was quickly remembering that he is terrified of blood, did I see him truly react: with his hands in his hair, he began to wail, starting as a small cry quickly intensifying into one of pure terror. He darted into a hallway behind him, one that I had no idea was even there before.

He was fast, propelled by his fear and naturally long legs. Normally he would be out of breath by just a few minutes of running, but it seems like his adrenaline was greatly fueled by the fear of the blood that was long behind him. After a couple of more minutes of running down what seemed to be an endless motel hallway, I knew something had to be terribly wrong. Yes, I should have guessed this by now, but just in case I missed it. I almost laughed out loud, if not for the pain in my lungs and legs. How bad was the thing that we were running from?

I'm so stupid. Of course it's not just the blood. It's what it stands for; like a symbol for something bad that happened to him. I grit my teeth, trying to forget my pain. I had to catch up to him!

Then the corridor started to twist and turn, completely unnatural for what was supposed to be a hotel. I'm not even that shocked. I'm starting to expect things to start getting weird at this point.

-You are the worst-

A voice, small and weak, but enough so that I can hear it. Where was it coming from?

-You are the reason it fell apart-

-You are the source of it...now it's time to receive more punishment-

The voices keep coming, starting to overlap and echo. Silen is still running. How is he not tired? We are so far away from the bed, from the blood, and from whatever that was back there. Why are you still so afraid?

-You were too pure so it was more tempting-

-That makes it your fault-

-It's your fault I'm not here anymore-

-The remnants are cancer within you-

-You can't escape it-

-You can't heal-

-The phantom you created is waiting...for you-

Then the hallway ended, leaking out into a large gymnasium covered wall to wall, top to bottom with carpet. In the center, stood something. It oozed purple darkness, the miasma leaking into the surrounding air and discoloring the floor, a slow moving sludge like lava. A bitter laugh came from the "mouth" area of the creature, causing spittle to fly towards us.

Silen had stopped, like a deer in headlights, from the moment he saw the creature. I could hear him starting to breathe heavily, panic starting to set in to him again. Now he could not run, only staring wide eyed at the thing manifested from what was most likely his fears.

-Maybe it was just the right time-

-It doesn't make a difference if she's here or not-

-I will get my reward-

Silen was shaking his head widely, almost madly, his greatest fear was slinking towards him. The voice was wrong, my heart promised, even though my mind faltered. I knew what I needed to do, but what could I do? I needed to get Silen to safety. The room was just carpet and the thing. Maybe I could talk first and get some information? At the very least I could try to talk to Silen. With scythe in hand, I walk over to Silen, using it to create a barrier between him and the slimy thing.

"You won't get closer! Get away from Silen!" I roared. Silen jumped a little from my pitch, but quickly grabbed my arm with his whole body. "Are you going to be ok, Silen? Just hold on for me." I whisper to him. He doesn't respond verbally, but he nuzzles his face into my shoulder, whimpering. I turn to the slime. It is vibrating, waves coming off it like from the beating of a heart. A constant thumping of energy, radiating from the core of the miasma. "What are you? I won't let you hurt him." It feels cheesy. I don't think it's going to work, but I have to try. If bluffing is all I can do right now, then it's what I'm going to do.

"Heh." It burbles, making sick noises with the sound of bubbles popping off the surface as it spoke. "I have a right. I have every right to punish him." Silen whimpers below my arm, shuddering as it spoke.

"That's were you are wrong fucker!" I point the end of the weapon to it. "You are going to stand back, leaving Silen alone, or you are going to get fucked up!" I threaten it, trying to keep my arm steady, bringing the other only after pulling Silen behind me.

"Diedre...."Silen whispered as he hugged me from behind, trying to be as silent as possible."You can't reason with it. It's been tormenting me since that day. I can't beat it; you can't beat it. I don't want you to die too."

"Tell me something, Silen."

"Yes?"

"What is that? I want to be sure once I start hacking at it." I was starting to get really pissed off. First this thing is terrorizing my friend, yes he's a scaredy cat, but he's acting like he owns him. Second, I have this growing urge building within me, commanding my arms to act on eliminating it from existence. Honestly I have no idea which one is stronger, but I'm starting to care less and less as time goes on.

"Did Girtin tell you? What happened to me? I don't want to tell you everything. It's too terrible. I don't even want to remember it. I still think about it. All the time. I-"

"Please just tell me, Silen, I'm going to do this for you."

"It's him." Silen cried into my back." It's my mommy's ex husband."

That's all it took. The first reason finally one over enough to give me the motivation to move, and the second reason told me where to start. I rushed towards it, holding it high, behind my ear, wound up energy coursing through me.

    -Wouldn't you like me to take over?-

    -You want this to be over quickly, right?-

    -Don't let it touch you.-

The voice, I realized was coming from the scythe; it was the same one as before, when I was confronting Silen in the other world. It wasn't Death, that was for sure, she had a deeper voice. Was it the weapon itself or was it being used as a conduit for someone else's voice? I shake my head.

I had to focus. I could do this without someone else's help. It just had to be cut in half, right? I was a little sick about the thought of doing that, but it has to be done! Just like a baseball bat: aim, hit, follow through. With a little more swing than I would normally give a bat, going off what I've seen in movies, I slice through the beast.

I hit something hard in the middle. It was like I had stopped at something metal. A sick laugh bubbled from the creature. The cut it made was not enough. The clean slice of malice, stiff like jello, melted at once and grabbed the blade. It threw it and me to the nearby wall. My head bounced off it, causing me to see stars. Crap. I can't do this. You have to be quick or something to be able to cut this solid liquid thing. I guess I watch too much tv, because that's all I can think about. Stupid. I'm so fucking stupid. I can't do this. It hurts.

    -Since you asked so nicely, princess-

    -I will do as you ask.

    -Just relax.-

    -I've got you.-

-

-Girtin-

-

Oh God, this is horrible. I can't get closer than this: there's some sort of purple shield around the two of them. Diedre, I hope the hell you know what you are doing. My hands have a death grip on my jeans. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I can't do this. I have to breathe. I have to call someone. I fumble to unlock my phone, finding Betha's number again. She answers immediately.

"Girtin? Girtin! Oh, please tell me some good news!" Betha whimpered on the other line. She sounds on edge, like me.

"Ok, Betha, listen: Diedre has entered some...sort of...mind meld thing...with Silen. They've been just hugging for a while now, not moving-"

"Don't separate them!" Betha screeched. Eh. I hold the phone away from my ear again.

"I can't even get close! There's some sort of Darkness field or something. Besides, she told me to trust her, so that's what I'm doing." I retort bitterly. Seriously, Betha? I get that you're the resident smarty pants, but- the it dies on my lips.

"Oh." Betha softened. "I'm sorry for yelling. I can't see. Could I video call you?"

I was going to answer Betha. I really was, but I noticed Diedre twitch, gasping in pain. Oh no. She's hurt! I can't move closer. Panic starts to grip my insides, acid dripping down my throat. No. What if she's in danger there?

"Girtin? Girtin? Are you ok?" Betha worriedly asked.

"Diedre's hurt. No. What's happening? I can't do anything!" I pant, putting the phone on the floor, Betha's voice calling my name in the background. What the heck am I supposed to do?

Don't leave me behind again!

Fuck.

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I don't really want to get into a lot of details about Silen, but I hope I came across well enough. I tried to be as accurate as I can with out being callous. If that makes sense. I hope it does. ;.;

Also, can you tell I don't write action scenes. I will try to write more so I can get better. Thank you for being patient with me as I write down the brain bug that's been in my head for seven+ years.

Maybe one more chapter. I might just deus ex machina this fight. I hope it doesn't come to that.

ANYWAY! Thanks for reading this week! See you next week.

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---Chapter Navigation--

Chapter 10 (Linky) - Chapter 11  (you are here) --> Chapter 12 (Linky)

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{Forget Already} Christophe [Art]

 Ah! I have more art today! It's been awhile since I had drawn Christophe, but did I remember to post it here? I'm not sure....hm....I guess not. Please forgive me! (LOL)

He always wears long sleeves and clothes that cover his neck. It's a very sensitive topic to him, and he'd probably ignore you if you asked about it. 

He still wears his name tag, as does Dainin, mostly due to habit. It's just part of him getting up in the morning at this point. He doesn't even think about how strange it is anymore. It's not like it can hurt, right? 

Christophe- who was abandoned by who should have cared

  Christophe was seven when his mother dropped him off. He hated her for doing such a thing. Hated his father, and the man his mother had an affair with. All adults had the same hate and distrust; they all had that same look to them. The people that looked after him at Holy Hope said that his mother was lost. That was a lie; she just got caught in the act and she bailed on him.

 Christophe at first sought out the other children, but soon abandoned them, realizing that they were the same. They loved him at first, being polite and extroverted with bright blond hair and deep blue eyes. He, alone by himself, was a quirky child, but had to be bubbly and extroverted around the other children. Around Dainin he could be himself, having to please no one. He loved plants more than people, but grew to genuinely enjoy Dainin's company, with his dry humor and sensitive temperament; he developed a strong protective instinct that he had never felt before for another person. Taking all the punches the other children meant for Dainin, Christophe felt complete. Growing was the feeling of belonging and love that he never felt with his birth mother, towards a seemingly uncaring boy that he had not even known his whole life.

 

I'll try to write and draw more! Please wait warmly. :)

--------

Find me on the web~030

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{Forget Already} Title Unknown [Main Fiction] (Chapter 10)

 Hi. Hard chapter today. Please read the warnings and stay safe!

Characters: Diedre, Girtin, Betha, Silen <-found him?

 Warnings!!!: Bleeding, Vomiting, Allusions to assault, Murder, Death, (mentions of child abandonment), Dissociation, Depression, PTSD depiction, Allusions to self harm (mentioned once)

Please don't read if you can't handle this. I get that I'm not the most descriptive, but please skip this chapter if that would be a problem!

 

 

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 "This can't keep happening, you know." A cold, decidedly feminine voice hissed into my ear. "It's getting in the way of your job. I can't keep letting that happen." I wanted to swing out my arm at that voice. It was her wasn't it? That woman that everyone is so afraid of: Lady Death. But my arms are glued to my sides, scythe in hand. Flames in my heart roar for her blood. If only I could move. 

"You." I struggle to get out that one word. A sigh escapes the woman's smug lips.

"It's funny to think of all things you could have said to me, that 'you' is all you can muster." Death mocked.

I could barely see her in the gloom of the chamber I was in.  Most likely it was some sort of mental dungeon, as the last I remember, was apologizing to Girtin. Wait! Was I alone with her here? Where was Girtin?

"Come now, sister." A new voice, also feminine, more dainty than Death's called out in the darkness."She's trying her best, you know." There was a light tease to her voice, but the message seemed like it was to placate, rather than torment. Death huffed, as if to deny that train of thought.

"You are only here, again, because I am tired of seeing you break down all the time." Death scowled.

"Sister, she is trying her best." the other voice, who I was suddenly the biggest fan of, insisted again. "Bridging the gaps between lost friends takes time and effort, even you know that; we did much of the same, around the same time. Diedre is a tender child, she needs your guidance to navigate this world. Surely you understand how difficult that is for one so young?" 

Suddenly I wasn't so sure of this other woman's allegiances. Sure she was Death's sister, but she at first seemed reasonable. Now? She wants to let Death help me? Is she serious?

"Madness." Death spat. "Dear Sister, we are on a time crunch. We need to have the reaper do something relating to her job. I told her before, time and time again, that we need either her friends' souls or their regrets. No more nor less. But what do I see her do? 'Reconnect' as you so tactfully put it and break down crying or passing out at every turn!-"

"You know that's not fair!" Madness shouted, the room vibrated with her pleas. "She needs her friends. She's...hurt. How else is she supposed to do her duty if she doesn't remember them?"

"Shame you didn't do that for your own children." Death retorted, making my mind frazzle with the things going over my head. I was in the middle of some argument, involving me, that suddenly became very very personal. I wished I wasn't in between two murder hornets; at least that's what I thought it was by the way judging by the anger radiating from each sister.

"You! Why you!" Madness seethed. "I tried my best. I had to leave and mourn...they were fine. He promised me. YOu have no right to say that!" She sounded like she was on the brink. I was starting to feel woozy, my head was pounding with every sentence.

"You never reconnected with your children. Look where that got them? I did what I had to do. Though, it's all in the past, isn't it dear sister?" Death continued. "But that's enough of this playtime; don't you even remember what we were here for. Think once past that guilty conscience of yours and stop projecting on Diedre!"

"Diedre" Death finally spoke directly to me. "You can't keep coming here. You need to face whatever you left behind; I can't keep covering for you. Just don't think I'm doing this to be nice. I have work to do. I'm very busy running this world, and you...needing help all the time is exhausting me. Now get out of here!"

Then I was gone, without given even an opportunity to speak for myself.

Did I imagine it, or was Death encouraging me?

----

My muscles turned to soup once I mentally returned to my body. All at once, I felt Girtin's arms on me, holding me up. I heard Betha's voice, muted by clothing, Girtin's phone shoved into his armpit in his haste. I didn't look at him at he led me into a chair. Where were we? I can feel his gaze, looking me up and down for some other injury, paranoid. Where was I? I was sitting in a plush but stiff chair; it didn't seem like a hospital, even though I should probably be at one at this point. I sigh before looking around some more. It seems like I'm at a school. An empty one. A liminal space.

"Girtin. Girtin. Please tell me she's ok. I'm not going to forgive you if you let her get hurt! She's my friend too you know!!" Betha's anxious voice blared through the speaker on Girtin's phone. She must be worried. 

"She's fine, Betha. She's just regained consciousness." Girtin scratched at his head while he said this, probably knowing how this would set off her, but saying it anyway.

"SHE JUST REGAINED- OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS MAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!??!" Beth screamed out the phone. "I can't leave my HOUSE and you are the ONLY one that can even HELP her. WHAT are you doing???" Girtin was rubbing his ears, holding the phone at an arms length away from him. I'd never heard Betha yell this loud before. Girtin, however, acted like this was normal, or at least pretended like it didin't bother him.

"She hasn't stopped since we left Ms.Ona's house. She just- leaves her body sometimes, walking like a zombie or something. She is fine. I am fine, thanks for asking." Girtin fumed, but kept his voice relatively steady for someone so upset.

"Oh, I knew you would be ok, but Diedre just got here a couple of days ago! I'm not trying to ignore the fact that you are doing in comparison, much much better than her. Just tell me what keeps happening, please, I'm sort of in the dark."

...

"I...get possessed by that woman. She leads my body away while my mind is elsewhere. Then, once I calm down, she lets me have control again." I sputter out, each word harder to say than the last. Girtin's eyes are widening in fear. I can hear Betha freaking out, much quieter now, she must have left the phone after she ran away from it. (That or she threw the phone.)

"Sh-she possesses you??!?" Girtin starts, utterly horrified, blood draining from his face. A face I am getting unfortunately more and more used to seeing as the days pass. "You've got to be joking! Your face, is always clear. You don't have any Darkness on you or in you. You never throw up it afterwards or anything. Betha say something! Tell her that...that there's no way that that's possible!"

"How is that possible?" A small voice is all that comes out of Betha. She's as shocked as I am at this point.

"Wait...." I tried to break them out of their horror, my face scrunched up in confusion. "What's the Darkness?"

"Ah." Both of them said at once. I could feel that this was a conversation I needed to have, but why did I feel so lost here? Betha was sputtering on her end, trying to start the, whatever this was. Girtin just looked away, looking sick. I felt like I had been a child asking how babies were made. I'm sure it wasn't like that, but it sure felt that way. Crap, I felt bad for them, asking this, but I just had to know.

"Well, Diedre...." Betha started, but not before a loud sound was heard on our end, down the hall. Girtin and I jolted our heads towards the sound, before what we saw made us made us hold our breath. A shrill cry started down the hall and at the end of it, was Silen.

Silen was gasping for air, arms twisted in pain, eyes streaming with tears. Something was not right. Purple streaks down his face, staining his clothes and skin. He was in pain, lips scrunched up into a tight line, and every so often would send out a cry. Oh no, Silen. My heart dropped seeing it, then leaping up into my throat.

"B-Betha." Silen panted, looking around, sightless. "Mommy?? Where are youuuuu??" He didn't seem right, that was obvious. He stumbled around, trying to hear for someone. Then he stopped, seemingly hearing. He faced me, purple-blue tinged teary eyes staring right at me. "Diedre....it's you!" He said out of breath, not before heaving, bent over with his hands on his knees. He looked like he was going to be sick. He did. Purple bile pooling out of him, sickening me; I had to close my eyes before I was sick myself.

"Betha..." Girtin whispered to the phone, taking it off speaker. "We found Silen....and it's not good. He's been taken over by the Darkness." I can hear Betha's shock and grief, even from the distance I stood from them. Then I hear Silen 'walking' over to us. It was sickening; his heaving chest, crying face, but blank expression, his body stumbling over to Girtin and I. He looked like a zombie. I grab Girtin's arm, shaking it.

"Betha it's bad. He's got it bad. We have to get out of here!" I can hear her protesting. You can't leave him there, she was saying. He needs you, she told Girtin. "He could start corrupting! Do you want Diedre - you know- we have to go- what if we got me- Diedre can't hold back the both of us!!!" Girtin screamed at the phone, utterly distraught. Silen's head turned towards Girtin.

"Girtin?? You came back! <3" His tears stopped only for a second before he started to cough. "You didn't leave me! I'm so glad. I'm so glad I have you as a friend. Now we just have to find Betha and Mommy; we'll be friends again and you all can live with me. Hahaha. I'm so glad we are together again. I was so so so so lonely without everyone. I couldn't. I couldn't bear to be alone. But it's okay now. It's okay now. AHhhhaaaa." Silen's speech was interrupted by a fresh tears. They were never ending. Tears prickled at the edges of mine.

My heart broke for him. We had to help him, but how? The sycthe! I had no idea how to sever any regrets, but I had to try. I couldn't let him hurt himself anymore. I couldn't bear seeing his face covered in tears. I lift the blade out in front of me, out at an arms length, stomach level. Girtin's shocked face in the corner of my vision broke my focus.

"NO! Diedre, he can be saved, you don't have to do that!" Girtin screamed, trying to push the weapon out of my hands before getting the shock of a lifetime, it pushing him back to the floor. I look back at him to see if he was ok. He looked alright, but looked like he wanted to bail, fear however, rooted him to the spot.

 

-Talk to him-

-Find the source-

-If not, I can not guarantee this will end well-

"Silen." I start, not sure where to begin.

"Diedre, my friend." Silen slurred." You came back for me. I'm so happy." Silen's eyes went back into his head when he said this, tears stopped for now, utterly lost. He was still stumbling towards us taking little breaks here and there. Now, he had a voice to walk to. Fear was rising from the pit that was my stomach, but I had to push it down. I had to be brave for Silen.

"Silen, yes I'm back. I came back for you." I try to keep my voice even, to sound comforting.

"Happy :)"

"I'm sorry I left. I'm back now." I had no idea what to say to him.

"You left me alone. Everyone left me alone!" Silen's gentle voice raised in decible, reaching a scream. "You all left me with...that...and I...it hurt so much. That's horrible. It's so bad. I don't even feel like myself anymore. If I could make it go away...I would. Diedre help me!!!!" He screamed, voice louder than he'd ever been when we were kids.

"I didn't know. I'm sorry. We can make it better-"

"NOOOO!!!" Silen cried," Everyone gave up. You gave up. I hated it, everything that was happening to me. It hurttttt. I want to cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it." He was inconsolable now, hyperventilating. His weak body began to run, at my voice, at such a speed I didn't know was even possible for him right now.

No. I can't do this. I can't hurt him. I just need to stop him. How? How can I do that? Not with the blade, but with the handle? Do I even need it? Just like I did with Girtin. I have to do something!

"Girtin get away!!" I yell at the shocked boy beside me, not daring to look at him in the face. I drop the scythe, it made a loud clatter on the laminate floor. I could finally see the miasma that Betha was talking about. It was thick and heavy, coming from its human source, spreading out into the hallway. I could hear Girtin cursing my name as he ran away to escape its reach. I didn't look at him; All I could do was open my arms at the charging teenager, blinded by grief. 

Something happened when we collided.

I don't remember pain.

It was nothing.

It was everything at once.

Our minds were one.

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Let's all take a week off from that. OMG. Please watch some cat vids or whatever you use to normally decompress; I know I need that right now.

I'll see you all next week...or not. That's cool too. :))))

Good night.

-

 

---Chapter Navigation--

Chapter 9 (Linky) - Chapter 10  (you are here) --> Chapter 11 (Linky)

-----------------------------

 

Find me on the web~030

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{Forget Already} Diedre [Art]

 I just realized when I posted the last drawing I hadn't had any new art of Diedre. Well, at all really...that's not good. I may have mistaken posting on my old DeviantArt. (It's still up but I never use it....please don't check there's only middle school poetry and crappy mmd art.) Oh well. That was a long long time ago. (2011 or something lol)

I tried to do something different with the pose, but rest assured I will try to draw her some more!

 

I have a couple more drawings to complete for her. I want to post more, so maybe this is enough motivation! Haha. Now, my wrists are killing me...sigh.

Also! I got a weebly page for this blog! It's sort of like the links at the end of the posts, but it's something. I don't foresee myself transferring everything over there. (It keeps deleting links and stuff....) It's easy to design, but I'm sure it would be better if I just kept using this format. Tumblr is also kind of a hassle too, but that's a story for another day. I just started that blog, so that I could interact with people there if they wanted, but it's deader than usual lately.

I don't have much lore to give, since she's the protag. Just keep waiting I suppose. :)))))))

--------

Find me on the web~030

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• forgottenheartache (official blog) 
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{Forget Already} I'm sorry [Main Fiction] (Chapter 9)

 I just want to say back up your work. I have no idea what happened and I'm still reeling over the loss of the work. OMG. I want to throw something!!!! ;.;

Back up your work! PLEASE. 

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk. ;.;

 

Characters: Diedre and Girtin

Warnings: PLEASE READ THEM. SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF YOU HAVE TO!!!!!!

Dissociation, Dissociative Amnesia, Mentions of Murder/Child Abuse (can be missed), Depression, Suicide (not descriptive)

WE are looking for Silen. Is that what we are going to find?

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When I came to, I was walking. Why was I walking? I can't remember. The last thing I remember was being on the floor, two worried faces staring back at me. Then nothing. I don't remember how I got here. That's about normal now, isn't it? I can't help but feel helpless in this situation.

"Diedre!" A shout at my ear tore me out of my daze. I don't remember stopping. Turning to the sound, I numbly noticed Girtin's worried face. He noticed my gaze, huffing slightly before turning away. He must have been worried. He crosses his arms. "You. Just. Can't. DO. THAT! What the heck happened?!" His eyes swept up and down my body, looking for an injury. The grip on his arms is turning his knuckles white. He eyed the scythe for the longest time almost glued to my hand, held in a death grip, before covering his eyes, groaning.

"Girtin...I." I settle on his wide eyed glare full of concern, trying to think of how to calm him down. "I'm ok, I think. I don't remember...anything right now."

"You think you're ok?? Oh, that's great. Had me worked up over nothing!" His voice dripping with sarcasm. "No really, that's awesome. Ms. Ona was going to call the hospital, but then UP you go! Out the door and down the road, mumbling up a storm, scythe in hand. You looked...wrong."

"I'm fine Girtin."

"We thought you died, Diedre." Girtin stopped me, holding my arms at my sides, our height difference even more apparent. 

I just looked at the friend that had become a stranger. How could I tell him that? It was horrible to even think about. Though that ship has sailed, hasn't it? I just had to keep going and hopefully get to that bridge later.

"I got better." I deadpan. Girtin's hollow expression shows no laughter, only pain. Oh. It was that bad huh? I was wrong again.

"What happened to you back there, Diedre? Not just in the house, but...where are you in the real world? What changed?" Girtin bit his lip before continuing," You are so different. You'd never endanger yourself like that! I can't keep up. I mean, you left everyone behind here; I was the only one left."

"I never thought I'd see you again, Diedre, you know that? I was completely ok with never seeing your face again. You came back with that dang scythe looking like some weirdo in a story book, acting like you didn't even know us!"

"I'm sorry-"

"Even Betha thinks it's weird! Oh, yes, I've talked with her! SHE'S sooooo worried about you. After all, you are her BEST friend! She said you didn't remember her at first and even forgot she died. DIED. How am I supposed to believe you even remember me?" Girtin screamed at me, tearing at his hair. 

Then, as quickly as his anger started, it cooled into regret. I could see his body curl into itself. He took more than a couple of deep breaths. He didn't look at me. It was shocking to say this least, but not that surprising. He was right: I did leave him behind. I didn't do it on purpose, I was so young when my mother left the city with me in tow, but I did it all the same. I never wrote. I never called. I never even visited. I wish I could just blame my mother on all of this, but I couldn't, not in good faith. I'm an adult now; I live on my own and pay my own bills. I can't blame my mother for something I could've done myself. Even with all the blood I've seen. With all the friends my young eyes had seen buried.

"It's not like it's your fault. I could never really blame you. " A quieter Girtin whispered to me, breaking the silence that had grown between us. "Betha, Silen, his mom....they never chose this. They hate it here. They don't deserve to be here. I do. I-I can't do this." Girtin broke down, trying to do the deep breathing again, just failing only just enough to keep the tears falling.

Something cold settled into my stomach. It felt like understanding. Girtin. I reached for him, his whimpering form, so unused to reacting to pain this way, sat on the floor crumbling. I held him in my arms, his head nestled in my chest. My eyes closed.

"I didn't want to hurt you anymore. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I did. I left, Girtin, but I'm back now." It was never going to be enough. I just hope what I just said didn't cause him more pain.

"Diedre....I did something unforgivable." Girtin's voice was hard to hear, it was gravelly, more quiet than he had been for the past hour. I'd have to get him some water later.

"You don't have to tell me if you're not ready. We have a lot of time." I try to say in the most soothing voice. 

"I have to tell you. I don't know how you'd react; I'd thought about it a lot since I'd seen you. I mean, I tried to keep it as normal as I could between us; like it used to be. That's kind of impossible now isn't it?"

"You can tell me anything. Just take your time. Don't force yourself, Girtin." I rub his back in little circles in a way that I hoped was soothing. How could I know that it was working?

-

Girtin took a deep breath, "I guess I should start at the top, Diedre, since you missed out on it. Well, after you left, they found Silen. H-he was in bad shape, it was horrible. There was no way to save him or that other thing they found with him. It's never getting out. Never...but that's it. Please don't ask me about that. I don't want to talk about it." Girtin gripped me tighter.

"Then, Ms. Ona left town. I helped her move; it was so hard, we kept crying, trying to comfort each other. I was the only one who left to help her. Then it was just me. My uncle started flat out ignoring me. I couldn't take it, so I ran away." I didn't say anything. I just let him vent. It was horrible so think about it, but he kept talking.

"I just wanted to get away from everything. I had some bad thoughts about stuff. It just kept getting worse. I just wanted to make it stop."

Please make it stop.

--

I could see the air becoming thick with a purple tinted miasma. Numbly I watched the swirls and just listened to Girtin breathing. It was kind of soothing. The little circles it made wrapping around us, inching closer and closer. It was wrong. All wrong. Girtin's steady breathing became more hurried, like he was running. All I did was clutch him tighter.

--

It felt different where I was. I could hear the wind billow around me, pushing my long red hair into my eyes. I could barely see where I was. I was kneeling and Girtin was gone. In his place was a note with a stone on it.

It was horrible. It was a farewell. I couldn't read past the first sentence before looking away, refusing to face what was on it. I put it down, replacing the rock upon it.

Where was Girtin? I look around frantically. If it meant what I thought it meant, and he said what I thought he said...then why am I here? Dully I realize that I am on top of a building; one of the taller ones in the town I grew up in. A storm was in the distance and the wind was starting to pick up. There was a purple balloon on the roof's ac unit. I don't know what drew me to it, but it reminded me of him. It was strange, seeing it here, how did it get here? 

"It's you." A voice says, breathlessly. I know it. Girtin. He looks like he did when we were younger: black hair and green eyes, not the sickly green it was before. Dark shadows hung under his teary red eyes. He smiled weakly at me. "You came back, Diedre. You look older. You look nice, a bit thin, but you are so tall."

"What am I doing here?" I painfully pleaded to him. He shrugged.

"What's done has already been done. Honestly, you could see, but I think you should stay put." He mournfully looked down street side, but quickly pulled away, looking back at me. "What now? I don't know, but I'm glad I could see you again, Diedre. I mean it, I really do.

"Why am I here?"

"I can't really answer that, but I think that I'm a spirit. Does that help, at all?" He tries to give his characteristic smirk at me, but that falls flat when he sees my frown deepen. "Ah, that was bad wasn't it? Diedre." His voice begins to plead with me. "You know what you're supposed to do. I'm a spirit. You're a reaper. No matter how much you hate it, how much it's going to hurt, you have to end me. I'd much rather you did it. I trust you."

No. I can't. I can't do that. No, don't make me do that. I can't believe that's the only way. If I'm going to end your suffering, I can't do that. I just got you back!

My hands grasp the scythe on the ground. I didn't remember it being there before; I think I would have noticed it, but it wouldn't have been the first time. I could maybe try something. My mind, grasping for straws, tries to remember what I was told before. That voice told me that I had options. What were they? Kill or save? What did that mean? Frustration and suffering bleeds into my thoughts, muddling them together. I can't. How could I?

Sever the regrets.

It was so simple.

"Girtin."

"Yes? Are you ready?"

"No, that's not what I'm going to do."

"Then what? I'm all ears." He looked like he was readying himself for a blow.

"What do you regret? Something you felt like you needed to do or say. Tell me."

Girtin pales at the mention of that. He doesn't meet my gaze. Come on Girtin, tell me. Do you want me to actually have to kill you? I can't do that. Just tell me. I don't care how bad it is. 

"I can't do that! You can't make me say that! It's so stupid. It's bad." Girtin's face begins to redden under my scrutiny.

"Come on! It can't be that bad!" My heart is thumping. I think we don't have a lot of time! "Just tell me!-"

"Diedre, I love you!!" Girtin says it like he was struck, holding his head in his hands, covering his burning face. "I always have, ever since I met you when we were kids, I just, I just didn't know how to say it. When you left, I was heartbroken, I-I especially after losing Betha and Silen." Oh, he was crying. Oh, I'm crying. I rush to pull him of the edge of the roof, crushing him in a bear hug and smothering him.

Even if I couldn't remember, I would be strong for you. I promised you in my heart that moment.

A warmth enveloped the air around us. I pull back from Girtin. He's wildly glancing around at the misama that is forming into a ball, leaving his heart. What is that? Is it his regret? Oh. It must be. Girtin was wiping the tears out of his eyes, trying to look at the orb. It was horrible, terrible to think how it weighed on him. I think that this is what I'm supposed to reap. Well there's only one way to find out. I grip the handle of the scythe again, but not before Girtin stops my hand.

"Uh, Diedre." He murmurs, shyly looking at me.

"Yes?" I smile softly.

"You don't owe it to me to respond to my feelings. Thank you for helping me and for listening." His smile means everything right now.

"Of course. We will get through this."

 

I motion for him to pull away. I hold the scythe out. A pleased hum enters the air. What was that? Was it the-? Oh. Just like that the orb is gone, sucked up into the blade. I didn't have to do anything at all. Warmth on the handle of "Felicity" causes me to look at the shape added to the metal. It sort of looks like a balloon. What? It was kind of anticlimactic, but considering the pleased hum it gets from Girtin, I decided to keep my mouth shut.

"Oh, a balloon. Hey, don't tell anyone this, but I really like them. Every time we went to the carnival, Betha, Silen, You, me and the adults, I'd always tag along to get them. You three were so excited to get them. I didn't get it. What's the point, I thought. Dang I was so stupid; they made you all happy. It took me a stupidly long time to get it. It's dumb. They just remind me of those days."

"It's not dumb, oh well maybe it is, at first glance, but once you told me I got it. It's so like you." I smile brightly in spite of how drained I felt. "Let's go back." Girtin nods, and lets me grasp his hand.

 -

I closed my eyes and when I opened them we were back. Not in the real world, like my heart so desperately wanted, but the other one. The one were he was dead and I wasn't. It was the one that I was going to have to be okay with, but I had long since accepted that.

I feel a warm hand on the back of my head, carefully leading my body down upon the ground. I feel so heavy, so tired. The watery version of Girtin in my eyes had an unreadable expression. I wonder lightly if he's used to it now: my fainting spells. My eyes close for another time and I feel the warmth of his arms. I let myself drift off, wondering where Silen was. I hope he's alright.

-

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I'm sorry.

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So...sorry that was so long. I know we just introduced Girtin last chapter, but plot happened.

I'd give you all hugs but I'm exhausted right now. Please take care of yourselves.

If you need to talk to someone about stuff and you need help there is a (US) hotline for that. I just felt like this would be necessary, considering I tried to keep it as non descriptive as possible.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

  1-800-273-8255

 

 

---Chapter Navigation--

Chapter 8 (Linky) - Chapter 9  (you are here) --> Chapter 10 (Linky)

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{Forget Already} Lady Death [Art]

 How long was this going to take me to post? Honestly I don't really know....

She's gone through a ton of designs and I have them all backed up on four notebooks from as far back as 2010, maybe further. (I only started putting dates since 2010////) I'd like to think this is the best one and thus the one I'm going to finally post. It's also the edgiest one. Figures.

Design wise: She's intended to have a completely drastic design than her sister, Madness. With more muted purples and greens rather than the more saturated purple and blues of Madness, she looks more...regal? Hehe IDK. :))))))

Ok lore time:  :))))))MY favorite time

Lady Death is a goddess of the realm that Forget Already takes place in. She is the creator of the Darkness, her essence, and Ether, her butler. 

She spent a long time with just her sister, with only Elusion, the kind hearted demon that Madness made. Over time the world was eroded. Then, without warning she left, then Madness left; leaving Elusion to watch the world crumble as the only caretaker. Time passed and they returned, both tormented with the knowledge of the other world they visited, having left people behind.

Ether was created and people were brought into the realm. (My sister and I call it souping...;.; its funny....)

Her scythe is not the one that Diedre uses. It is called Luctus and it's name means mourning.

(I promise to make a similar art of Diedre with her scythe!! I'll write it down so I don't forget!!)

Find me on the web~030

tumblr: 

• forgottenheartache (official blog) 
•  for those that can't see it! -  https://www.tumblr.com/blog/forgottenheartache

•     whatami94 (personal-ish depression blog)
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 Thank you all for the support!

{Forget Already} Silen (Art)

 Ok, I do realize that I've posted Silen before. But he's a cute baby that deserves love! I'm not pouting. :(

He's a good boy.

Silen- who is afraid of being alone

  The coddled child of Christine Ona. A quiet and introverted child. He moved with his mother to a new town after his parents divorced. Like most children in his situation, Christine gave Silen a small animal, a kitten, to ease his loneliness. This act sparked a lifelong love of animals; his kind personality perfect for caring for small creatures. Through this kitten, Silen met Betha, a girl from down the street. Overtime Silen's feelings for Betha grew, but before he could act on these new, and confusing, feelings, the kitten was lost. Silen and Betha went to look for the kitten, but they were separated by a strange vehicle. Silen hasn't been seen since.

 

Anyways I hope you all like the art. :)

Join the Silen fan club! :)

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Find me on the web~030

tumblr: 

• forgottenheartache (official blog) 
•  for those that can't see it! -  https://www.tumblr.com/blog/forgottenheartache

•     whatami94 (personal-ish depression blog)
• for those that can't see it! - https://www.tumblr.com/blog/whatami94
  

email: what.ami_94@yahoo.com 
twitter: @scaredygiraffe (rant/depression and like blog)

• for those that can't see it! - https://twitter.com/scaredygiraffe 

Thank you all for the support!

 

{Forget Already} Girtin (Art)

 I forgot that I didn't have anything to do with Girtin on here. Sorry! :P

I had to design him a couple of times, which is why that's the case. That and for a while he looked like someone else, lol. (I'll have "better" refs for the characters later, I hope.)

Girtin- who is left alone

 A childhood friend of Diedre's. Living in a suburban town since a small child, he developed a liking to the outdoors and often could be found wandering the wilderness in his spare time. He lives with his uncle after the death of his parents in their home across town. Feeling the animosity/curiosity from the townsfolk, his uncle, due to nature and situation, left the boy on his own. Having no feelings for his uncle, and the respective feelings being mutual, he stays out of the house, wandering the roads/wilds until nightfall. A bit withdrawn, he tends to keep to himself and doesn't make friends easily. People that get to know him say that he is a bit rambunctious and protective.

 

Not pictured: his collection of keys. He has a bit of a fascination with them. Maybe they are fun to play with?

 

 

Why did you leave us behind? We needed you, Diedre. I needed you.

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Also the second art was before the change, but consider it his other outfit. ;.;

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Find me on the web~030

tumblr: 

• forgottenheartache (official blog) 
•  for those that can't see it! -  https://www.tumblr.com/blog/forgottenheartache

•     whatami94 (personal-ish depression blog)
• for those that can't see it! - https://www.tumblr.com/blog/whatami94
  

email: what.ami_94@yahoo.com 
twitter: @scaredygiraffe (rant/depression and like blog)

• for those that can't see it! - https://twitter.com/scaredygiraffe 

Thank you all for the support!