{Forget Already} The Madness of Unconditional Love [Main Fiction] (Chapter 12)

 Hi! I hope everyone has had a good week. I'll get caught up someday! :)

Next chapter is a bit long but I hope you like it. More warnings though, please understand.

PLEASE READ the warnings:

    Dissociative episode (possible), Mild Violence, Decapitation (not descriptive), Injury description (mild), painful magical healing (very brief), Mentions of Nudity (not descriptive but the situation is there)

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 This was not like the last time. A white blinding light melting all I could see. A ferocious headache spiking my brain against the volleyball net. I tried to close my eyes and hide away. My body wouldn't do that. It wasn't listening to me. I wasn't in control. 

Hot. My body was on fire. My muscles are pulled and stretched into an offensive stance. They were screaming for me to stop. I wanted to agree, but I was being pulled along for the ride, just as they were. I hated that, being strung along like this, but my will was locked in a steel trap. As much as I mentally wailed against the injustice of this, the only thing I could do was watch. Watch as my exhausted body and concussed mind ran against the wind, towards the monster in the center of the room.

I was melting. My arm wound tight, swung against the creature. I felt it hit the core again. My body, if my own, would have been stopped here again, but the steel in my own arm held. My arm pulled back again for another strike, ignoring its retaliation. It was weak, afraid maybe, if it could feel the emotions humans did. My anger, smoldering still from earlier, was the only thing that kept me focused. Yes, I was not in true control, but this was what I wanted. How it was happening, I could live without, but my apathy towards my own life was nothing compared to what hatred I felt for this monster.

I didn't care anymore how it was destroying me. My arm kept swinging, and every time, it cut more and more into the core. The pain I was feeling was temporary. I was not only doing this for Silen. As I grit my teeth, the arm pulling back into another strike, the realization set. This is something I wanted as well: retribution. It was mine for the taking.

I knew who this was. I had to remember what this was for. This parasite was not a person, but a fear of one. Girtin gave me a hint when he broke down. This creature was a horrible person: Silen's birth father. It had none of his features; a shame honestly, I would've liked to see him in pain. 

Instead of wondering where that came from, I felt the body prepare for one final blow. I could feel the strength of the connection tethering me to my mind weakening. It was down to the last wire, wasn't it? The repetitive motion that had become second nature to my body, numb at this point, was about to finish the job. Wind up the swing and follow through. Cut through the bone, think about the area past the core, don't stop the momentum. Keep going. Contact made. Keep going. Yes. Rest in pieces. I was done and I had control again. The warmth I felt, the energy keeping me going, left as quickly as it came leaving me feeling empty again inside.

As my body slumps to the ground, the first sense that returns to me is sound. I can hear the bubbling of the body in front of me, the gurgling of a life being drained. The sound of heaving in the corner of the room and the dull realization that Silen saw all of that; he had no explanation for why his friend went to town so violently on it. How she even had that much energy. He's always been weak to violence, my mind supplies from my memories of him. He's going to be alright. My thoughts float around like clouds in the sky. I am utterly exhausted; the energy my body was expending in my absence, the whiplash was coming soon and hard. I had to make sure that I was not in a bad position.

I could hear soft breathing beside my ear, accompanied by the silent tears dropping upon my face. Feeling and Sight were back. Silen held me up in his arms, clutching me like a child does an infant they don't know. His face is a mixture of emotions: surprised, happy, sad.

"Diedre. I'm so happy you are alive." His voice, stronger than I was expecting though still weak from his tears, murmured. "I was worried that you weren't going to make it, but you did, like you always do."

"What are friends for?" I smile through my exhaustion. "We've got to take care of you, we promised. Your mom, Girtin, Betha, and myself; we all are going to protect you."

"You don't have to do that." His mouth turned into a frown, an expression filled with sadness. "I cursed you when you didn't come back. I thought you left me because you hated me, Betha too. How could you save me when not even the police could find me; not until it was too late. The promise doesn't matter now."

"Silen."

"I know you mean well. I know that you aren't going to leave because you want to, but you can't do that. When I wake up and you are yourself again, I'll cry like I'm supposed to, bawling into your shirt begging you to stay with me, but you can't. You have to keep going. I don't know what for, but that lady told me some stuff while she was...making me say that. You have to fight her. She's just going to use us against you, if you don't well I don't know what's going to happen." Silen sniffed a little, but I could only look at him in awe. It made me sad that he had to suffer so much to come to this conclusion. What he said made sense, but I didn't have to believe it.

"I'll always protect you. We are family and that's what we're supposed to do for each other." I murmur, vision fading finally. I could feel this world collapsing.

Silen smiled brightly, grasping my hand, trying to make sure that it was the last thing I saw before I returned to the other world. His thanks are drowned by the static on the edge of my hearing.

I slipped away after that.

-

-

I could hear Girtin talking to Silen when I regained consciousness. It was hard to hear about what for, but I'm sure it was something about running away from his mom and making them both worried sick. I can imagine him standing in front of him, arms crossed on his chest. I think I heard Betha talking, so she had to be on the phone.

"-Diedre almost died because you ran away! She had to come get you. If you are feeling bad, you have to tell someone before you blow up! If she wasn't immune to the Darkness you would have been toast."

"Please just call me, Silen. I promise I won't laugh at you. Honestly." Betha's voice interjected over Girtin's reprimands, offering a soothing hug from afar.

"I know...it just got bad real fast. I didn't want to bother you." Silen meekly whimpered, his voice croaking from having recently cried.

"Bother us, Silen." Girtin scolded firmly.

"Please, Silen." Betha added, making shushing noises. I assume they are hugging now, but my neck is still weak.

Instead of being frustrated at being left out of the conversation, I just let myself rest. I'm sure my muscles are going to ache for a couple of days after this. Not looking forward to that, but I think it was worth it. I just have to remember that I haven't saved them. I've just put off whatever is coming later. That's the impression I got from Silen.

Once I can move again, I'm going to see Betha again. I've got to break whatever is keeping her at that house.

"DIEDREEEEE!!" Silen's scream cut through my internal monologue. "You're okkkkk!! I was so worried that you wouldn't wake up!"

"We were worried that you wouldn't get up." Girtin intoned, patting the back of Silen's hand in a reprimanding but soothing way. Betha voiced her agreement on the phone. "What happened? Silen won't say. You started shaking. Then when you fell down, you had blood on the back of your head."

"It was another world, Girtin." I rumbled, trying to think over what happened back there. "Like before when I saw you, from before." Girtin paled at that, prompting Silen and Betha to give him a look. Silen's being one of naive confusion and Betha's one of impish understanding. Perhaps she didn't know what Girtin did, but she may have been clued in on his little crush on me in the past. She changed her face into a more natural expression before he noticed, much to my surprise.

"Still you are hurt, Diedre." Betha worriedly pressured over the video call. Honestly I don't know how the phones get reception here. I wondered if there was a place nearby that I could recover at. "We can't take you to the hospital, Holy Hope, because it's empty. There should be no one there."

"I heard a gang lives there." Silen bubbled, easily amused by rumors, "Mommy told me that it was dangerous to go there. It's so far and there are too many holes I could fall into."

"Holes?" I ask, distracted by the change in conversation, also very nosy.

"The ground looks like Swiss cheese and you can't get a car there! Mommy told me that the sky rained acid or something. The hospital building is completely fine, Girtin saw it when he was wandering around one day." Silen gushed, smiling widely. I smiled back. Even from my position laying on the ground, it was good to see him so happy about something.

"So that means we have to find someone local with a recovery ability." Betha mumbled, mostly to herself, out loud on the speaker. "I might be bad to move Diedre if she's still not feeling great. What to do? Ugh, what to do?"

"Chill out, Betha, we're going to figure something out. Maybe she can just sleep it off; she's 'special' remember? Maybe she's got some regen powers hidden in her?" Girtin said trying to calm Betha down. It worked somewhat, but she still grumbled to herself keeping more thoughts left unsaid.

"Now I wish I had teleportation powers." Silen whined into Girtin's long sleeved shirt.

"Heh, maybe you do. Where do you disappear to when you have to take medicine?" Girtin jeered. Silen only puffed out his cheeks. 

-

Time had passed slowly without coming to much of a solution to what we should do about my injuries. I suppose being in the company of people who had short attention spans did that to you, but I let it slide. After all it seemed like I wasn't worsening. Maybe all I should do is just lay here, completely relaxed as my friends laugh and bicker with each other; I've not felt this way in years. Girtin's phone eventually dies, leaving Betha out of the conversation. My ears then pick up some foot falls from down the hall of this abandoned school. I couldn't tell who it was from where I was, but soon enough Girtin and Silen noticed.

"Do you need help, my children?" A soft woman's voice came from the hall.

"It's our friend, she-" Silen starts, stammering, but not before Girtin stops him.

"She is taking a rest. We are fine." Girtin evenly reports, not taking his eyes off the stranger, his hands vainly covering the blood on my pink jacket. This looked bad. I was so out of it that I didn't even think about this. Who was this woman?

"So you say, dear, but maybe she should have a rest on one of the cots in the infirmary." The woman cooed, her voice coating my mind like honey. It honestly felt weird. I looked to Girtin who seemed to be contemplating her suggestion. I had already made up my mind. I felt a little stupid forgetting about the nurse's office. I'm not really in the position to make decisions, am I? Feeling a little antsy about the whole situation, I tried to get a better look at the woman from behind Girtin's arms.

She had shoulder length aqua hair, rosy cheeks, and two odd colored eyes: one pink and one blue. I felt drawn to those eyes. The pupil on the right one, the blue one, had a taller almost feline shape. It felt so strange to be so taken by some stranger's eyes. Then Girtin started to move, shaking me out of my focused attention to wards them. The woman had a hand on my face, kneeling on the floor between Girtin and Silen, who watched warily at her, was checking my eyes. Her own pair were so focused in her task of giving me the once over, that she didn't even notice, or care about the looks everyone was giving her.

-

Right. I didn't know what to make of the atmosphere once we made it there. It was so awkward: Girtin was on edge, his instincts kicking in, and Silen was in "stranger danger" mode, for some reason hiding behind the shorter boy. The woman, who had introduced herself as Maeve. She told us, which I figured I had to believe for now, that she was looking for something in the library.

"Miss Maeve," Girtin starts slowly, like he's trying to hold back a little, "I remember you telling us that you were looking in the library. Why are you at this school? The city has its own library. Why would you need to look here?" He's already trying to punch holes in her story. Wow. Vicious. I can see Ms. Maeve's eyes dilate a little, something Girtin cannot see because she is tending to my wounds. She draws the curtains around me. The boys call out in surprise.

"I need to take off her shirt, boys, to apply healing to the skin. I did tell you that I had some salve on me, did I not?" Ms. Maeve's tone was odd while she said this, but the two had no choice but to trust her judgement.

She helped me get out of my jacket and the shirt that I was wearing under it. My chest crackled to life, bringing a gasp to my lips. She shushed soothingly, much like a mother does. Lifting me out of my cami, her eyes look sorrowful at the ugly bruises around my ribs and sides. I assume that there are even more on my back. Her head turns to the little purse at her side and she starts to rummage through it for something. I just watch her as I lay still, topless on the elevated bed. After a time she finds what she is looking for: a small vial of unknown liquid. Acid rushes through my blood. What?!

"Sweetie, I have decided to help you a bit more than I should." Miss Maeve's voice rushes through my mind. I blink furiously at the intrusion. She laughs lightly. "The friends you have, while well-meaning, are kind of stupid. They have no idea what did in there; even that orange haired boy, Silen, who seemingly doesn't remember what you did for him back in there."

"Madn-" I start, but she puts her hand on my mouth and smiles mysteriously.

"You are right, sweetie, but you shouldn't say it. If they knew that you were with the Lady Madness, they would open the curtain. That would be bad right? Considering your state of...undress. You are also full of broken ribs and covered in bruises. You'd be out of commission for too long; much much too long for my sister. That...and your plight, it makes my heart bleed for you, my dear. I cannot speak against her again, but I can help you." She hands me the small vial. "I will but some bandages on later, regardless of your choice."

"What is this?" I ask, not convinced, but seriously considering it. I'm in a lot of pain, the ache in my chest, just from breathing is becoming a little much. Even for my pain tolerance I don't think I would last long on just pain medication alone.

"You don't want to know, but rest assured that it is going to help. Please trust me." She hands me some cloth and begins to motion that it goes into my mouth. What is this going to do to me? Is this going to hurt? I look the "medicine" again, giving it one final look over before I say fuck it and down the thing in one go. My eyes locked on Madness' odd eyed ones, looking for any deception at the very end. I uncap the cork and take the plunge.

It hurt. It hurt so much. I jam the cloth in my mouth to muffle the groans of a person who's body is rapidly humming, vibrating, screaming, and gluing itself back together from the inside. She wasn't kidding I bitterly thought. I screwed my eyes shut, not wanting the extra stimulation of her face, or the possibility that Girtin or Silen would open the curtains and see me. I tried to keep my breathing even. Madness' cold hands started smoothing over the hair that had gotten in front of my face. I couldn't pass out. It was almost over, it had to be. I open my eyes. It didn't hurt anymore. Oh.

Maeve or Madness, who knew anymore, nodded solemnly letting her hand fall from my face almost wistfully. In that moment I remember about the children she supposedly had. I almost had the mind to ask her but I was suddenly pelted with a cold cream on my bruised rib cage. Wordlessly, she wrapped my chest loosely but tight enough so that it wouldn't fall off. Then she helped me back in my clothes. I thanked her quietly in my head, but she shook her head, smiling.

She pulled back the curtain to the sight of Girtin and Silen huddled in the corner. They were deep in whispered conversation. Upon noticing me stand up without help they both jolted to me, smothering me in their embraces. Girtin was red faced as always, but hugged me all the same, in a grip that reminded me that I could have died in that hell I was in. Silen was back. He was bubbly and happy again; sure he still was shy and cried, but he seemingly was "over" whatever transpired in that realm. I knew that one day he would want to talk to me about it, or maybe never, but I would wait for him to be ready to talk to me. Girtin finally let go of me, but Silen snuggled a little longer. I'd forgotten how affectionate he could be. Maeve smiled at the three of us before clearing her throat.

"You'll be tender and your muscles will hurt for a while. Maybe you should hold your scythe in a pocket realm until you are ready to hold it again." Maeve started rattling off to the reunion, before turning to my dumbfounded look of shock upon the mention of a pocket realm. "Ah, so you don't know about that, sorry. It's a little weird to explain, but just imagine it 'gone'."

I nod, slowly, not understanding completely, but willing to try it all the same; especially if that means I don't have to lug the heavy scythe around anymore all the time. If I was going to be in a weakened state after all that "killing" I just did, I would need to suck it up and learn. Ok. Just pretend you are putting it in your pocket.

"Imagine a small bubble in your mind," the mental voice of Madness helpfully supplies, "You just need to put it in there. Pretend the surface of the bubble is a pool of endless water."

A bubble, as deep as the ocean, the surface of water holding what I want. The scythe that's on the ground, left alone. Just put it away. I breathe in. Close my eyes. I breathe out. Cut and Paste it into the folder. I open my eyes and it's gone. I can feel it on my back, latched onto my spine; it feels freaky, but it's kind of like a backpack. 

"Wow! It's gone! You did that, Diedre? Awesome!" Silen cheers, laughing brightly. Even Girtin had to smile at that.

"Where'd it go?" Girtin mumbled to himself. It's clear it may have gone over his head, but he shrugs it off anyway. Looking back to me, he asks," Did you want to go see, Miss Ona? We found Silen. She'd be happy to find him safe and sound. Also... he kind of needs a bath. I think we all do."

He's right, I sigh. Silen was covered in purple bile, his own snot and tears, and who knows what else. He didn't seemed bothered however; maybe he forgot about it or just couldn't feel it? I know I had some blood in my hair, not that you could see it, with my hair being bright red, but you know. That and a good hot soak sounded nice. Looking at Girtin you wouldn't know how bad he smelled, it was likely stress sweat, but sweat all the same. He was on the phone with Betha the whole time this was happening, right? Of course he would have freaked out, even with her there.

"That sounds like a good idea. I'd like to see Betha after that; I promised her that I'd visit her again after we helped Silen." Silen's ears perked up at the mention of his name, but said nothing; fiddling with the zipper on his orange sports jacket, pulling it up and down over and over.

"Right, that sounds good. I'll go with you." Girtin nods, not letting me out of his sight.

"Well, kids, I guess that's my time to go. Best of luck, sweetie." Miss Maeve/Madness whittles her fingers at us, not even looking at us as she walks out the door. Of course this bothers Girtin, to no ones surprise, who is still extremely suspicious of that woman. I just looked at her back as she walked out, thinking about what I learned about the sister of the Goddess of Death.

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Well :)

 Next we'll get to see Betha and Miss Ona. After that, who knows? Diedre has saved her friends, hasn't she? What more should she need to do here?

If so, then why are there more people here? Diedre doesn't know that. How could she?

I guess we're going to have to find out. Might have the next two chapters to set that up. If they are super short I will consider putting them on Tuesday and Thursday. Then the newer characters will be on the new week and the next arc will start. I think it will probably be Great Graces -> and then either Psychology Skylands/Holy Hope. If you've been keeping up with the blog at all then you'd know which characters that means. I was thinking about leaving Holy Hope last becuase I want that arc to be longer, have more action. (I was even thinking about making some more comics about that.)

So Christophe and Dainin should be next after we set up the next part of the plot. I've had this arc planned since I made the game, long long ago in the past, so I'm going to try to flesh it out some more. The intro has already been written: it's called Brimstone and it covers what's happening with the two before Diedre comes over.

Getting a feeling that the less people actually knew about the girl, Diedre, the more they fill the blanks with nonsense. Even Betha had mentioned this before, with the stories that they told about Lady Death. She didn't tell us everything, not wanting Diedre to get discouraged, and didn't mention that her role in the story was to reap everyone. (This is not spoilers. I have put this fact in other parts of the fiction too. lol.) It's in the back of all these people's minds, even her friends, but they have the know-all to remember that she is a person too. They remind themselves that she is their friend. The strangers we are going to meet have been preparing once they heard the news, they don't have the benefit to know that she wouldn't just kill them on sight. A conflict or something. Ooooh. :)))

Hope you enjoyed, I had a lot to talk about. :)

 

---Chapter Navigation--

Chapter 11 (Linky) - Chapter 12  (you are here) --> Chapter 13 (Linky)

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{Forget Already} Title Unknown [Main Fiction] (Chapter 10)

 Hi. Hard chapter today. Please read the warnings and stay safe!

Characters: Diedre, Girtin, Betha, Silen <-found him?

 Warnings!!!: Bleeding, Vomiting, Allusions to assault, Murder, Death, (mentions of child abandonment), Dissociation, Depression, PTSD depiction, Allusions to self harm (mentioned once)

Please don't read if you can't handle this. I get that I'm not the most descriptive, but please skip this chapter if that would be a problem!

 

 

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 "This can't keep happening, you know." A cold, decidedly feminine voice hissed into my ear. "It's getting in the way of your job. I can't keep letting that happen." I wanted to swing out my arm at that voice. It was her wasn't it? That woman that everyone is so afraid of: Lady Death. But my arms are glued to my sides, scythe in hand. Flames in my heart roar for her blood. If only I could move. 

"You." I struggle to get out that one word. A sigh escapes the woman's smug lips.

"It's funny to think of all things you could have said to me, that 'you' is all you can muster." Death mocked.

I could barely see her in the gloom of the chamber I was in.  Most likely it was some sort of mental dungeon, as the last I remember, was apologizing to Girtin. Wait! Was I alone with her here? Where was Girtin?

"Come now, sister." A new voice, also feminine, more dainty than Death's called out in the darkness."She's trying her best, you know." There was a light tease to her voice, but the message seemed like it was to placate, rather than torment. Death huffed, as if to deny that train of thought.

"You are only here, again, because I am tired of seeing you break down all the time." Death scowled.

"Sister, she is trying her best." the other voice, who I was suddenly the biggest fan of, insisted again. "Bridging the gaps between lost friends takes time and effort, even you know that; we did much of the same, around the same time. Diedre is a tender child, she needs your guidance to navigate this world. Surely you understand how difficult that is for one so young?" 

Suddenly I wasn't so sure of this other woman's allegiances. Sure she was Death's sister, but she at first seemed reasonable. Now? She wants to let Death help me? Is she serious?

"Madness." Death spat. "Dear Sister, we are on a time crunch. We need to have the reaper do something relating to her job. I told her before, time and time again, that we need either her friends' souls or their regrets. No more nor less. But what do I see her do? 'Reconnect' as you so tactfully put it and break down crying or passing out at every turn!-"

"You know that's not fair!" Madness shouted, the room vibrated with her pleas. "She needs her friends. She's...hurt. How else is she supposed to do her duty if she doesn't remember them?"

"Shame you didn't do that for your own children." Death retorted, making my mind frazzle with the things going over my head. I was in the middle of some argument, involving me, that suddenly became very very personal. I wished I wasn't in between two murder hornets; at least that's what I thought it was by the way judging by the anger radiating from each sister.

"You! Why you!" Madness seethed. "I tried my best. I had to leave and mourn...they were fine. He promised me. YOu have no right to say that!" She sounded like she was on the brink. I was starting to feel woozy, my head was pounding with every sentence.

"You never reconnected with your children. Look where that got them? I did what I had to do. Though, it's all in the past, isn't it dear sister?" Death continued. "But that's enough of this playtime; don't you even remember what we were here for. Think once past that guilty conscience of yours and stop projecting on Diedre!"

"Diedre" Death finally spoke directly to me. "You can't keep coming here. You need to face whatever you left behind; I can't keep covering for you. Just don't think I'm doing this to be nice. I have work to do. I'm very busy running this world, and you...needing help all the time is exhausting me. Now get out of here!"

Then I was gone, without given even an opportunity to speak for myself.

Did I imagine it, or was Death encouraging me?

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My muscles turned to soup once I mentally returned to my body. All at once, I felt Girtin's arms on me, holding me up. I heard Betha's voice, muted by clothing, Girtin's phone shoved into his armpit in his haste. I didn't look at him at he led me into a chair. Where were we? I can feel his gaze, looking me up and down for some other injury, paranoid. Where was I? I was sitting in a plush but stiff chair; it didn't seem like a hospital, even though I should probably be at one at this point. I sigh before looking around some more. It seems like I'm at a school. An empty one. A liminal space.

"Girtin. Girtin. Please tell me she's ok. I'm not going to forgive you if you let her get hurt! She's my friend too you know!!" Betha's anxious voice blared through the speaker on Girtin's phone. She must be worried. 

"She's fine, Betha. She's just regained consciousness." Girtin scratched at his head while he said this, probably knowing how this would set off her, but saying it anyway.

"SHE JUST REGAINED- OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS MAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!??!" Beth screamed out the phone. "I can't leave my HOUSE and you are the ONLY one that can even HELP her. WHAT are you doing???" Girtin was rubbing his ears, holding the phone at an arms length away from him. I'd never heard Betha yell this loud before. Girtin, however, acted like this was normal, or at least pretended like it didin't bother him.

"She hasn't stopped since we left Ms.Ona's house. She just- leaves her body sometimes, walking like a zombie or something. She is fine. I am fine, thanks for asking." Girtin fumed, but kept his voice relatively steady for someone so upset.

"Oh, I knew you would be ok, but Diedre just got here a couple of days ago! I'm not trying to ignore the fact that you are doing in comparison, much much better than her. Just tell me what keeps happening, please, I'm sort of in the dark."

...

"I...get possessed by that woman. She leads my body away while my mind is elsewhere. Then, once I calm down, she lets me have control again." I sputter out, each word harder to say than the last. Girtin's eyes are widening in fear. I can hear Betha freaking out, much quieter now, she must have left the phone after she ran away from it. (That or she threw the phone.)

"Sh-she possesses you??!?" Girtin starts, utterly horrified, blood draining from his face. A face I am getting unfortunately more and more used to seeing as the days pass. "You've got to be joking! Your face, is always clear. You don't have any Darkness on you or in you. You never throw up it afterwards or anything. Betha say something! Tell her that...that there's no way that that's possible!"

"How is that possible?" A small voice is all that comes out of Betha. She's as shocked as I am at this point.

"Wait...." I tried to break them out of their horror, my face scrunched up in confusion. "What's the Darkness?"

"Ah." Both of them said at once. I could feel that this was a conversation I needed to have, but why did I feel so lost here? Betha was sputtering on her end, trying to start the, whatever this was. Girtin just looked away, looking sick. I felt like I had been a child asking how babies were made. I'm sure it wasn't like that, but it sure felt that way. Crap, I felt bad for them, asking this, but I just had to know.

"Well, Diedre...." Betha started, but not before a loud sound was heard on our end, down the hall. Girtin and I jolted our heads towards the sound, before what we saw made us made us hold our breath. A shrill cry started down the hall and at the end of it, was Silen.

Silen was gasping for air, arms twisted in pain, eyes streaming with tears. Something was not right. Purple streaks down his face, staining his clothes and skin. He was in pain, lips scrunched up into a tight line, and every so often would send out a cry. Oh no, Silen. My heart dropped seeing it, then leaping up into my throat.

"B-Betha." Silen panted, looking around, sightless. "Mommy?? Where are youuuuu??" He didn't seem right, that was obvious. He stumbled around, trying to hear for someone. Then he stopped, seemingly hearing. He faced me, purple-blue tinged teary eyes staring right at me. "Diedre....it's you!" He said out of breath, not before heaving, bent over with his hands on his knees. He looked like he was going to be sick. He did. Purple bile pooling out of him, sickening me; I had to close my eyes before I was sick myself.

"Betha..." Girtin whispered to the phone, taking it off speaker. "We found Silen....and it's not good. He's been taken over by the Darkness." I can hear Betha's shock and grief, even from the distance I stood from them. Then I hear Silen 'walking' over to us. It was sickening; his heaving chest, crying face, but blank expression, his body stumbling over to Girtin and I. He looked like a zombie. I grab Girtin's arm, shaking it.

"Betha it's bad. He's got it bad. We have to get out of here!" I can hear her protesting. You can't leave him there, she was saying. He needs you, she told Girtin. "He could start corrupting! Do you want Diedre - you know- we have to go- what if we got me- Diedre can't hold back the both of us!!!" Girtin screamed at the phone, utterly distraught. Silen's head turned towards Girtin.

"Girtin?? You came back! <3" His tears stopped only for a second before he started to cough. "You didn't leave me! I'm so glad. I'm so glad I have you as a friend. Now we just have to find Betha and Mommy; we'll be friends again and you all can live with me. Hahaha. I'm so glad we are together again. I was so so so so lonely without everyone. I couldn't. I couldn't bear to be alone. But it's okay now. It's okay now. AHhhhaaaa." Silen's speech was interrupted by a fresh tears. They were never ending. Tears prickled at the edges of mine.

My heart broke for him. We had to help him, but how? The sycthe! I had no idea how to sever any regrets, but I had to try. I couldn't let him hurt himself anymore. I couldn't bear seeing his face covered in tears. I lift the blade out in front of me, out at an arms length, stomach level. Girtin's shocked face in the corner of my vision broke my focus.

"NO! Diedre, he can be saved, you don't have to do that!" Girtin screamed, trying to push the weapon out of my hands before getting the shock of a lifetime, it pushing him back to the floor. I look back at him to see if he was ok. He looked alright, but looked like he wanted to bail, fear however, rooted him to the spot.

 

-Talk to him-

-Find the source-

-If not, I can not guarantee this will end well-

"Silen." I start, not sure where to begin.

"Diedre, my friend." Silen slurred." You came back for me. I'm so happy." Silen's eyes went back into his head when he said this, tears stopped for now, utterly lost. He was still stumbling towards us taking little breaks here and there. Now, he had a voice to walk to. Fear was rising from the pit that was my stomach, but I had to push it down. I had to be brave for Silen.

"Silen, yes I'm back. I came back for you." I try to keep my voice even, to sound comforting.

"Happy :)"

"I'm sorry I left. I'm back now." I had no idea what to say to him.

"You left me alone. Everyone left me alone!" Silen's gentle voice raised in decible, reaching a scream. "You all left me with...that...and I...it hurt so much. That's horrible. It's so bad. I don't even feel like myself anymore. If I could make it go away...I would. Diedre help me!!!!" He screamed, voice louder than he'd ever been when we were kids.

"I didn't know. I'm sorry. We can make it better-"

"NOOOO!!!" Silen cried," Everyone gave up. You gave up. I hated it, everything that was happening to me. It hurttttt. I want to cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it." He was inconsolable now, hyperventilating. His weak body began to run, at my voice, at such a speed I didn't know was even possible for him right now.

No. I can't do this. I can't hurt him. I just need to stop him. How? How can I do that? Not with the blade, but with the handle? Do I even need it? Just like I did with Girtin. I have to do something!

"Girtin get away!!" I yell at the shocked boy beside me, not daring to look at him in the face. I drop the scythe, it made a loud clatter on the laminate floor. I could finally see the miasma that Betha was talking about. It was thick and heavy, coming from its human source, spreading out into the hallway. I could hear Girtin cursing my name as he ran away to escape its reach. I didn't look at him; All I could do was open my arms at the charging teenager, blinded by grief. 

Something happened when we collided.

I don't remember pain.

It was nothing.

It was everything at once.

Our minds were one.

-

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Let's all take a week off from that. OMG. Please watch some cat vids or whatever you use to normally decompress; I know I need that right now.

I'll see you all next week...or not. That's cool too. :))))

Good night.

-

 

---Chapter Navigation--

Chapter 9 (Linky) - Chapter 10  (you are here) --> Chapter 11 (Linky)

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 Thank you all for the support!

{Forget Already} I'm sorry [Main Fiction] (Chapter 9)

 I just want to say back up your work. I have no idea what happened and I'm still reeling over the loss of the work. OMG. I want to throw something!!!! ;.;

Back up your work! PLEASE. 

Thanks for coming to my TedTalk. ;.;

 

Characters: Diedre and Girtin

Warnings: PLEASE READ THEM. SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF YOU HAVE TO!!!!!!

Dissociation, Dissociative Amnesia, Mentions of Murder/Child Abuse (can be missed), Depression, Suicide (not descriptive)

WE are looking for Silen. Is that what we are going to find?

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When I came to, I was walking. Why was I walking? I can't remember. The last thing I remember was being on the floor, two worried faces staring back at me. Then nothing. I don't remember how I got here. That's about normal now, isn't it? I can't help but feel helpless in this situation.

"Diedre!" A shout at my ear tore me out of my daze. I don't remember stopping. Turning to the sound, I numbly noticed Girtin's worried face. He noticed my gaze, huffing slightly before turning away. He must have been worried. He crosses his arms. "You. Just. Can't. DO. THAT! What the heck happened?!" His eyes swept up and down my body, looking for an injury. The grip on his arms is turning his knuckles white. He eyed the scythe for the longest time almost glued to my hand, held in a death grip, before covering his eyes, groaning.

"Girtin...I." I settle on his wide eyed glare full of concern, trying to think of how to calm him down. "I'm ok, I think. I don't remember...anything right now."

"You think you're ok?? Oh, that's great. Had me worked up over nothing!" His voice dripping with sarcasm. "No really, that's awesome. Ms. Ona was going to call the hospital, but then UP you go! Out the door and down the road, mumbling up a storm, scythe in hand. You looked...wrong."

"I'm fine Girtin."

"We thought you died, Diedre." Girtin stopped me, holding my arms at my sides, our height difference even more apparent. 

I just looked at the friend that had become a stranger. How could I tell him that? It was horrible to even think about. Though that ship has sailed, hasn't it? I just had to keep going and hopefully get to that bridge later.

"I got better." I deadpan. Girtin's hollow expression shows no laughter, only pain. Oh. It was that bad huh? I was wrong again.

"What happened to you back there, Diedre? Not just in the house, but...where are you in the real world? What changed?" Girtin bit his lip before continuing," You are so different. You'd never endanger yourself like that! I can't keep up. I mean, you left everyone behind here; I was the only one left."

"I never thought I'd see you again, Diedre, you know that? I was completely ok with never seeing your face again. You came back with that dang scythe looking like some weirdo in a story book, acting like you didn't even know us!"

"I'm sorry-"

"Even Betha thinks it's weird! Oh, yes, I've talked with her! SHE'S sooooo worried about you. After all, you are her BEST friend! She said you didn't remember her at first and even forgot she died. DIED. How am I supposed to believe you even remember me?" Girtin screamed at me, tearing at his hair. 

Then, as quickly as his anger started, it cooled into regret. I could see his body curl into itself. He took more than a couple of deep breaths. He didn't look at me. It was shocking to say this least, but not that surprising. He was right: I did leave him behind. I didn't do it on purpose, I was so young when my mother left the city with me in tow, but I did it all the same. I never wrote. I never called. I never even visited. I wish I could just blame my mother on all of this, but I couldn't, not in good faith. I'm an adult now; I live on my own and pay my own bills. I can't blame my mother for something I could've done myself. Even with all the blood I've seen. With all the friends my young eyes had seen buried.

"It's not like it's your fault. I could never really blame you. " A quieter Girtin whispered to me, breaking the silence that had grown between us. "Betha, Silen, his mom....they never chose this. They hate it here. They don't deserve to be here. I do. I-I can't do this." Girtin broke down, trying to do the deep breathing again, just failing only just enough to keep the tears falling.

Something cold settled into my stomach. It felt like understanding. Girtin. I reached for him, his whimpering form, so unused to reacting to pain this way, sat on the floor crumbling. I held him in my arms, his head nestled in my chest. My eyes closed.

"I didn't want to hurt you anymore. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I did. I left, Girtin, but I'm back now." It was never going to be enough. I just hope what I just said didn't cause him more pain.

"Diedre....I did something unforgivable." Girtin's voice was hard to hear, it was gravelly, more quiet than he had been for the past hour. I'd have to get him some water later.

"You don't have to tell me if you're not ready. We have a lot of time." I try to say in the most soothing voice. 

"I have to tell you. I don't know how you'd react; I'd thought about it a lot since I'd seen you. I mean, I tried to keep it as normal as I could between us; like it used to be. That's kind of impossible now isn't it?"

"You can tell me anything. Just take your time. Don't force yourself, Girtin." I rub his back in little circles in a way that I hoped was soothing. How could I know that it was working?

-

Girtin took a deep breath, "I guess I should start at the top, Diedre, since you missed out on it. Well, after you left, they found Silen. H-he was in bad shape, it was horrible. There was no way to save him or that other thing they found with him. It's never getting out. Never...but that's it. Please don't ask me about that. I don't want to talk about it." Girtin gripped me tighter.

"Then, Ms. Ona left town. I helped her move; it was so hard, we kept crying, trying to comfort each other. I was the only one who left to help her. Then it was just me. My uncle started flat out ignoring me. I couldn't take it, so I ran away." I didn't say anything. I just let him vent. It was horrible so think about it, but he kept talking.

"I just wanted to get away from everything. I had some bad thoughts about stuff. It just kept getting worse. I just wanted to make it stop."

Please make it stop.

--

I could see the air becoming thick with a purple tinted miasma. Numbly I watched the swirls and just listened to Girtin breathing. It was kind of soothing. The little circles it made wrapping around us, inching closer and closer. It was wrong. All wrong. Girtin's steady breathing became more hurried, like he was running. All I did was clutch him tighter.

--

It felt different where I was. I could hear the wind billow around me, pushing my long red hair into my eyes. I could barely see where I was. I was kneeling and Girtin was gone. In his place was a note with a stone on it.

It was horrible. It was a farewell. I couldn't read past the first sentence before looking away, refusing to face what was on it. I put it down, replacing the rock upon it.

Where was Girtin? I look around frantically. If it meant what I thought it meant, and he said what I thought he said...then why am I here? Dully I realize that I am on top of a building; one of the taller ones in the town I grew up in. A storm was in the distance and the wind was starting to pick up. There was a purple balloon on the roof's ac unit. I don't know what drew me to it, but it reminded me of him. It was strange, seeing it here, how did it get here? 

"It's you." A voice says, breathlessly. I know it. Girtin. He looks like he did when we were younger: black hair and green eyes, not the sickly green it was before. Dark shadows hung under his teary red eyes. He smiled weakly at me. "You came back, Diedre. You look older. You look nice, a bit thin, but you are so tall."

"What am I doing here?" I painfully pleaded to him. He shrugged.

"What's done has already been done. Honestly, you could see, but I think you should stay put." He mournfully looked down street side, but quickly pulled away, looking back at me. "What now? I don't know, but I'm glad I could see you again, Diedre. I mean it, I really do.

"Why am I here?"

"I can't really answer that, but I think that I'm a spirit. Does that help, at all?" He tries to give his characteristic smirk at me, but that falls flat when he sees my frown deepen. "Ah, that was bad wasn't it? Diedre." His voice begins to plead with me. "You know what you're supposed to do. I'm a spirit. You're a reaper. No matter how much you hate it, how much it's going to hurt, you have to end me. I'd much rather you did it. I trust you."

No. I can't. I can't do that. No, don't make me do that. I can't believe that's the only way. If I'm going to end your suffering, I can't do that. I just got you back!

My hands grasp the scythe on the ground. I didn't remember it being there before; I think I would have noticed it, but it wouldn't have been the first time. I could maybe try something. My mind, grasping for straws, tries to remember what I was told before. That voice told me that I had options. What were they? Kill or save? What did that mean? Frustration and suffering bleeds into my thoughts, muddling them together. I can't. How could I?

Sever the regrets.

It was so simple.

"Girtin."

"Yes? Are you ready?"

"No, that's not what I'm going to do."

"Then what? I'm all ears." He looked like he was readying himself for a blow.

"What do you regret? Something you felt like you needed to do or say. Tell me."

Girtin pales at the mention of that. He doesn't meet my gaze. Come on Girtin, tell me. Do you want me to actually have to kill you? I can't do that. Just tell me. I don't care how bad it is. 

"I can't do that! You can't make me say that! It's so stupid. It's bad." Girtin's face begins to redden under my scrutiny.

"Come on! It can't be that bad!" My heart is thumping. I think we don't have a lot of time! "Just tell me!-"

"Diedre, I love you!!" Girtin says it like he was struck, holding his head in his hands, covering his burning face. "I always have, ever since I met you when we were kids, I just, I just didn't know how to say it. When you left, I was heartbroken, I-I especially after losing Betha and Silen." Oh, he was crying. Oh, I'm crying. I rush to pull him of the edge of the roof, crushing him in a bear hug and smothering him.

Even if I couldn't remember, I would be strong for you. I promised you in my heart that moment.

A warmth enveloped the air around us. I pull back from Girtin. He's wildly glancing around at the misama that is forming into a ball, leaving his heart. What is that? Is it his regret? Oh. It must be. Girtin was wiping the tears out of his eyes, trying to look at the orb. It was horrible, terrible to think how it weighed on him. I think that this is what I'm supposed to reap. Well there's only one way to find out. I grip the handle of the scythe again, but not before Girtin stops my hand.

"Uh, Diedre." He murmurs, shyly looking at me.

"Yes?" I smile softly.

"You don't owe it to me to respond to my feelings. Thank you for helping me and for listening." His smile means everything right now.

"Of course. We will get through this."

 

I motion for him to pull away. I hold the scythe out. A pleased hum enters the air. What was that? Was it the-? Oh. Just like that the orb is gone, sucked up into the blade. I didn't have to do anything at all. Warmth on the handle of "Felicity" causes me to look at the shape added to the metal. It sort of looks like a balloon. What? It was kind of anticlimactic, but considering the pleased hum it gets from Girtin, I decided to keep my mouth shut.

"Oh, a balloon. Hey, don't tell anyone this, but I really like them. Every time we went to the carnival, Betha, Silen, You, me and the adults, I'd always tag along to get them. You three were so excited to get them. I didn't get it. What's the point, I thought. Dang I was so stupid; they made you all happy. It took me a stupidly long time to get it. It's dumb. They just remind me of those days."

"It's not dumb, oh well maybe it is, at first glance, but once you told me I got it. It's so like you." I smile brightly in spite of how drained I felt. "Let's go back." Girtin nods, and lets me grasp his hand.

 -

I closed my eyes and when I opened them we were back. Not in the real world, like my heart so desperately wanted, but the other one. The one were he was dead and I wasn't. It was the one that I was going to have to be okay with, but I had long since accepted that.

I feel a warm hand on the back of my head, carefully leading my body down upon the ground. I feel so heavy, so tired. The watery version of Girtin in my eyes had an unreadable expression. I wonder lightly if he's used to it now: my fainting spells. My eyes close for another time and I feel the warmth of his arms. I let myself drift off, wondering where Silen was. I hope he's alright.

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I'm sorry.

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So...sorry that was so long. I know we just introduced Girtin last chapter, but plot happened.

I'd give you all hugs but I'm exhausted right now. Please take care of yourselves.

If you need to talk to someone about stuff and you need help there is a (US) hotline for that. I just felt like this would be necessary, considering I tried to keep it as non descriptive as possible.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

  1-800-273-8255

 

 

---Chapter Navigation--

Chapter 8 (Linky) - Chapter 9  (you are here) --> Chapter 10 (Linky)

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{Forget Already} Lost [Main Fiction] (Chapter 8)

I almost didn't write this for awhile, but then when I started, I couldn't stop. Man, my fingers hurt! Lol. I hope you all enjoy the next chapter. I tried to make it a bit longer than the last one to make up for it!

Warnings: Light cursing (if that bothers you)

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 Silen's mom, after sobbing a little more in my arms, finally took me to her house. Or at least, where a house should be. It was an empty lot, white picket fence on all sides, surrounded by regular suburbia. I stood at the side walk dumbfounded. When I was little, I lived three blocks away, I've been to his house; it should be here in front of me, but it's not! Christine must have noticed that I wasn't following her.

"It's a little different now, but it's still home. It's still here, I promise."

"What do you mean by that?" I sputter out, before realizing how rude that sounded."How is it still here if I can't see it?" I try again.

"Ohhhh, that! It took me awhile to figure it out too, but it's simple!" she took my hand daintily, leading me across the strange lawn. Over time, step by step, the brazen dirt became a lawn that shimmered with morning dew. As we walked, it became apparent that we were going much further than I expected. In fact, what should have been a few feet, at max, became an open field with magenta soil splotched with what looked like regular grass. Even the sky was a muted blue, and the little clouds had a chalk-like look to them. If you asked me it was ugly. Though it's a moot point to even mention it out loud. Well, considering this world is not the real one. I have to remind myself this is real right now. Only right now.

After some time of walking, my feet begin to walk onto a cobble path. Looking up I noticed that it led to a small blue cottage. At this point, Silen's mom started to pick up the pace, practically sprinting down the path. It seemed that she knew we were almost there.

I was worried about Silen. I'm sure Miss Christine was worried about him too. He was always so skittish and cried a lot as a younger kid. I can't imagine him being alone in some other weird world like this one. That being said, I thought as I was ushered into the doorway, he lives here with his mom? I wish I had the brainpower to understand the how's and why's of this world, but I just can't, not right now. It would only serve to give me a headache at this point.

We weren't alone in the house. I don't think Christine even noticed at this point, but it didn't take her long. A person was sitting at the table, in darkness, but almost completely in view from the door. I didn't want to take my scythe out, so I called out to the person," Hey! Who's there?" I felt stupid for having such little words to say, but I didn't want to feel like an ass later.

"There's someone here?" Silen's mom confirmed, seemingly relaxed at the intrusion, almost like she was expecting someone, I couldn't tell "Come on, sweetie, don't sit in the dark, it'll hurt your eyes."

"Oh alright." The voice, coming from the kitchen table groaned " I was just trying to have a cool- never mind." the voice grumbled, sounding embarrassed. Then the light in the kitchen came on.

It was a boy my age. His bright hair and eyes were what drew me towards him almost immediately: they were both an unnatural forest green, as striking as the flush that quickly grew on his face. Oh. He was blushing. I don't know why he was doing that.

"Ah, I see that you might have to be reintroduced, well maybe." Christine brightly spoke, completely ignorant to the fact that there was an awkward moment happening right now. "Diedre, I'm sure you are having trouble remembering him, but that's ok! This boy, is-"

"Diedre?!?" He ran up to me, eyes starting to understand," You- why are you here? You...I couldn't find you, and everyone left me behind. After Betha and Silen just left...you- where did you go?? I looked everywhere!" Despair started to shake his features before he took a breath and composed himself. Miss Christine noticed his discomfort, finally, and gently took his hand from her position beside me.

"Girtin. It's okay now." She soothed, rubbing his hand before giving it a quick pat, "Diedre just had to go away for a while. Her mother took her to the city, but she's back now."

"You left a lot of shit behind, Diedre." The boy, now know to me as Girtin, swore. He stared straight into my eyes, trying to understand something in my expression. Did he know that I couldn't remember him?

"Girtin! I understand that you are going through somethings at home, but you should at least try to be nice to Diedre! She just got back!" Christine huffed, but looked like she understood.

It felt weird being talked about in front of you. Especially from people that you should know, but somehow don't. Girtin. I don't know why I can't remember you, but I'm sure you have a real good reason for what you're saying to me. Though it does kind of piss me off, being almost accused of being a terrible friend. But since I can't remember you, it makes sense. Are you even doing that though? Who am I really forgetting.

 Yes, I know I trust Miss Ona, but you I'm not sure. What were you even doing in her house? I decided to ask him, speaking for the first time in a while.

"How did you get in here anyway?" I ask, both of them looking at me simultaneously. Girtin looked amused, smirking at me.

"I have a key." He remarked smugly. "Ms.Ona trusts me." He pulls it out of his pocket, there are two other keys on it, and shakes it teasingly.

"Oh." I sigh, there goes my line of thought.

"Disappointed?" Girting smirks. Silen's mom smiles behind her hand.

"Kind of." I deadpan, suddenly bored of this. I could be finding Silen right now.

"Well kids, I think we've had enough time to reacquaint ourselves." Christine sighs lightly, almost fondly, looking at the children she loved as her own,"Girtin came to help me find Silen since...well you know." She sniffled.

"I'm a little confused." I pipe up,"Why did you act like you did when I saw you?"

"Ah, I was trying not to panic, I guess. It's just been so long since I've heard your voice sweetie." Ms. Ona sighs. "Girtin had already agreed, but I guess I had gotten all wound up again. Sorry, sweetie."

"I get it, sorry for bringing it up."

"Don't worry about it, sweetie." She smiles brightly," Two people looking for him is better than one!"

"Two- Girtin and me? You aren't coming?" I ask, feeling stupid again.

"Well, figured he'd wander back on his own. Ms. Ona wanted someone to stay here." Girtin provided, shrugging." We were about to swap when you got here." 

I nodded, it made sense. While Silen had the tendency to stay put when he was scared, he also was likely to wander around like a lost kid in a mall, till he made it to one of us.

Though, as I'm thinking about this, something is starting to bother me. I barely remembered Betha. I almost forgot Miss Ona. I remember bits and pieces about Silen, mostly including his scaredy cat nature. I don't remember Girtin at all. What the heck is wrong with my memory? I know it's been some time since I've seen all of them. I get that. But, these are people I used to think of as family! 

"Diedre....why do you have a scythe!?" Girtin sputtered, eyes widening in apparent fear.

"You have what?!?!" Ms. Ona squealed, grabbing Girtin's arm, almost causing him to fall over.

"I found it. I've been carrying it around because some weird voice told me to." I deadpanned, not letting my voice show off my confusion.

"A weird voice told you too?!" Girtin grimaced, grabbing my arms, beginning to shake me. "You know how fucking hard that is to believe?! Did it just drop out of the sky? OR did you find it in some weird shrine, begging you to take it?" His voice was starting to become a shout. He was starting shake, his eyes widening the longer he looked at it. "Ms. Ona it's the 'Felicity'. It's got to be!"

"Oh. My goodness, dear. What have you gotten yourself into?" Silen's mom shuddered into her hands, shaking her head. "How did you get a hold of that cursed blade?"

I looked to the people in front of me, one almost a complete stranger at this point, but both with the same expression on their faces: fear. Betha had the same expression when she realized. It made me rethink what I carried with me, but if I throw it away, what would happen? The voice from earlier acted like it was special. I hadn't seen anything thus far to confirm that, but everyone else keeps mentioning it so that's got to count for something. The more I learn about it, the more concerned I get. What if it fused to my hands. What if it made me hurt people? The fear I've been running from, denying all this time, finally caught up to me. What have I got myself into?

Oh. I'm on the floor now.

-

I look at you frowning. You did the right thing, pushing that other kid off him, but the teacher saw you. You got in trouble with her. Are you really ok? You know you can tell me what's wrong. You shrug my hand off you, mumbling that you are taking care of it. After waiting for your uncle, who never shows up, the adults at the office let you leave with me, my mother trailing behind wordlessly. She never asked what happened, she will later, but I think she understands. 

Silen was waiting with his mom, holding her hand, still teary eyed. I can hear her promising to wait for you, wanting to thank you again. We approach, my mother pulling Ms.Ona to the side, talking to her about what happened. Apparently, she didn't know much, but I didn't listen to them. You ask Silen if he's ok. You held Silen's hand as he cried, shrugging off his attempts to repay him, saying it was just his duty as his friend. That's was friends do for each other you say. I smile, grabbing Silen's other hand. I'm just glad he's alright. You promise that those kids wont hurt you again. I promise Silen the same, and assure him that Betha does too. We will protect you, Silen, I promise.

My mother tells us that it's time to go home, after all the school released you into her care. You need to go home. Silen sniffles one more time before being led away by his mother, walking hand in hand. I smile at the sight. You nod to me, then to my mother, who nods sagely back. This prompts a smile from me; you two never had much to say to each other. For so long, I thought you hated each other. But-XXXXXXXXX told me that some people are like that. That it was a "power play" or whatever that was. I sigh, holding mother's hand in one, and yours in the other, so you don't wander off.

It was nice. Mother led the way to your house, quietly responding to conversation, asking how you are doing in school and home. It was more than I'd heard her talk to you. You were talking so politely, it was like you were talking to a teacher. It was funny. I wish these times would last forever.

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Mother shakes me awake. We are going to town. She can't leave me here alone and she can't get Betha's family to watch me. What are we doing? Mother doesn't answer at first, thinking for a moment before responding, 'police station'. Why? What happened? Mother's blank expression folds into a sort of frown, I can't tell what she's really thinking.

He's lost, Mother says. Who? Who's lost? 

Silen. Silen's lost. They think they know, but we are going to help the police find him.

No. He's lost? No. He always finds his way home! He just...I had no answer. I felt myself go numb, grabbing my clothes, putting them on, brushing my teeth, combing my chin length hair. Mother stood at the door way, the taxi she called was waiting for us. A car. We are taking a car to town? Mother mumbles something about wanting to get there early, not wanting to waste a lot of time. Do you want Silen back, I asked her. He's a friend of yours, so I want to make sure he's ok. My heart sank. I want to cry already, fearing the worst.

I hope you are ok. Silen, please be ok. We'll put up posters! Go on tv! Whatever it takes, just so you come back to us.

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Long chapter is long, but I tried to have more dialogue since that's a weak point for me. ;.;

Haha. I hope you all enjoyed it all the same. :)

 

---Chapter Navigation--

Chapter 7 (Linky) - Chapter 8  (you are here) --> Chapter 9 (Linky)

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email: what.ami_94@yahoo.com 
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Thank you all for the support!

 

Looking up from the bottom {Forget Already} [Short Story]

 Hi! I just want to post something this week, so sorry about the updates. :(

I have a tough one to share today. So the warnings may be a bit harsh again. (Granted I'm not graphic, but I know how hard it is. I mean, I can't watch Pet Sematary because of like one scene without crying.)

I've felt low for a long time. I'm wondering if that's just who I am now.

Characters: Dainin and Christophe (It's in first person, but just so you know who's there...)

Warning: Strong Mentions of Physical Abuse, References/Mentions of Bullying, Depictions of Depressive Symptoms, Possible Dissociation?, Possible Eating Disorder/Maladaptive Eating?, Blood Mention/Depiction, Slight Self Harm, Anxiety Attack, Suicide Idealization

Summary: Dainin had lived at Great Graces Orphanage since he was a baby, left behind by his mother. This isn't the best place to grow up. Looking back, he wonders how this place was even legal to run. 

Also: I don't hate the adoption system. Please don't consider this the norm for these type of situations. Yes, there are some bad situations, but I really hope that this type of neglect isn't a thing. 

ALSO: If you or someone you care about is going through Depression, please talk to someone:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255 (TALK)

 

[Forget Already] Knowing Mallie (Chapter 3) {Comic}

Short flashback comic for chapter three. I have never made a comic before, but I'm sure it's obvious. Sorry if this is hard to read. I tried. Also sorry for the crooked lines... I just noticed them and I'm too far in to fix them.... ;.;

Characters: Lady and Mallie

Rating: Ok. Implied self harm. Gender dysphoria. Self hatred. Implied past assault. ;.;

[Forget Already] Ochophobia (Chapter 5) {Main Fiction}

 Short chapter is short, but this is an in-between this and the next. This would have been chapter four of "Betha's fear of cars" if I would have wrote it sooner, but that one is in a weird place right now, so it fits better here. If that makes sense...

 Also takes place after "Best friends no matter what" canon-wise. God this is like a spider's web. I promise to update the Original Fiction tab in order to better show this!

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[Forget Already] Respite (Chapter 4) {Main Fiction}

Sorry for the long break! I hope you enjoy the chapter!

X)

[Forget Already] Rain (Chapter 3) {Main Fiction}

Short chapter is short. (I ramble quite a bit...sorry)
I'll try to have regular updates on tuesdays. Please wait warmly!

[Forget Already] Quest (Chapter 2) {Main Fiction}

Thanks to all that keep up with the updates! It means a lot to me that there are people who actually come back after reading some of my writings. So thanks for that!! You have no idea! :)

I might add warnings as I go for each chapter. Some chapters might be really long or short, but you might already know that.

Thanks for reading!

[Forget Already] Silen's day {Fiction} (Oneshot)

Hello. Quick post today as a "sorry" for last week. My class started, and boy is it hard! That's okay I guess. The important thing is that I keep up with it....that and posting here. Haha. I have a oneshot for you guys today with Silen as the main character. He's such a cutie pie. I should write for him more often. :3

I can't wait till you guys start shipping. Haha. Though what happens if that NEVER happens?!? I don't know what I'd do. Probably cry to be honest. I think I'm missing the point.

Characters: Silen and Girtin (refer to the character post here if you are lost.)
Warnings: totally fine; sfw out the gazoo

This fiction assumes you have at least read some of "Betha's fear of Cars". Other than that you're golden.

Let's get started.

[Forget Already] Brimstone (Last Half) {Fiction}

It's another week again? It's Tuesday! Oh gosh, I almost forgot. Everyone is being especially hard on me lately. I'm not stressed. No way. That's not true at all. I'm just going to pretend it's okay for the family and such. Don't want them to be stressed out. Gosh, that'd be mean.

My little sister is graduating high school this Thursday. Wow, time sure flies. She's already a young adult, or a big child as I like to call them. It's a cute term, not to be mean or anything. I think considering how adults like me act, they are pretty much adults already. Physically, yes. Psychologically, generally no. I don't know. They are going to have a ceremony at the sports center at the school. I can't wait I guess.

I'm starting classes next week. Dang it's that time again. Taking organic chemistry this time around. Haha, you think I'm smart or something? No. Just a summer class so I can get my associates degree. Fine I can be smart too; wait till I finish with a C.

Gosh. I'm talking too much about myself. That's rude of me. I promised a chapter, didn't say which, but I'm ahead of the game. I hope I can stay that way. You know what I'm talking about, I think.

Wish me luck. ;.;

Update: 5/18/2021:

Changed some things and made it longer. I might have enough to make another chapter. I'm sure everyone is noticing at what moment I am stopping. :)

[Forget Already] Brimstone (First Half) {Fiction}

Boy. I'm busy lately. Well, it's easy to be when there's so many other things I could be doing. Applying for colleges, scholarships, a job, moving out, getting on with my life, learning how to drive, the list goes on...and on. I'm stupid, but this is stress relief. Suffering stems from attachment, but these are too important they tell me. So worried....worrrrried. Though talking about it helps. It makes it easier to bear I suppose. Brimstone is something I wanted to write for awhile and I must've mentioned something before. Granted, it didn't have a name yet. Or maybe, I didn't. I must imagine our conversations now. Goodness it's that far now...oh my. Now that's out of the way, I'm sure I have at least another Tuesday's worth of updates; I'm ahead of the game huh? You're welcome. :)

3/25/2021 UPDATE:

I'm editing a lot of the fictions. I've changed some characterizations, and took some out in order to reveal it better latter. I missed this. --- Characters: Christophe, Dainin (more to be added in later chapters) Rating: Stress writing....it's safe. It starts fluffy at first then descends into madness, I guess. Themes: losing control (Very short chapter for pacing reasons...)

[Forget Already] Betha's fear of cars (Chapter 2) {Fiction}

This is awkward...it's been too long since I last posted. It's even a Friday....

This is for the anon that commented on the last chapter. Honestly! I'm sure you won't come back. ;.;

So, I'm sorry if this wasn't what you wanted.....I DID update. It just took a long time. (That, and most of my ideas are cruddy anyway.) Don't forget me anon! *weeps silently*

Characters: Diedre, Betha

Rating: SFW

See notes at the end for information about the Mechan Forest

Here I go again... <.<

[Forget Already] Betha's fear of cars (Chapter 1) {Fiction}

Hi! It's been three weeks since my last post. Oops! Sorry about that; I didn't mean to do that at all.
It's not like anyone missed me. Ahhh...right.

I have written some more, but it'd be a while before I post the rest of it. Though, here's something. Ah.

Characters: Diedre, Betha
Rating: Safe for Work;  no warnings!
Warnings: None :D (Betha, herself, is a slight body horror, but it's G-rated.)

I'm a bit tired....maybe I should get that looked into.

[Forget Already] That light that's there, but I can't see it. (Short Story/Stream of Consciousness) {Fiction}

This is a bit dark, but don't dwell too much on it. Someone I "know" on the web attempted suicide, so I'm feeling "down". Ah, but maybe it'll get better if I think of it differently? -Sigh-

Characters: Henry, Errin (briefly), Gregory
Rating: Not for children...?
Warnings: illness, sensitive subject:murder, sensitive subject:cancer, sensitive subject: mental illness, sensitive feels everywhere!!! (maybe? It's a bit short...)

 I'm feeling a bit sleepy, but let's go on ahead...sorry for the bad writing/grammar.

[Soul Coin] Soul and the little girl, Eternium. (Chapter 1) {Fiction}

Something I wrote last night, so I apologize for the errors in grammar/logic. Ah....

Characters: Soul, Eternium, Drendion (a sea goddess)
Rating: For all ages
Warning: None, but I have no idea how to write child dialogue. <.<

My hiatus is off for the time being. College has been kind to me, in terms of workload, but if need be I will choose my education if things get out of hand. Keep that in mind if you want updates. If anyone actually does....

I'll stop talking now! Please enjoy/suffer quietly(?).